Gone & Done

Despite the solitude 

The emptiness

I want to see you again

Whoever you are. 

I’m seeking peace

With or without you 

I’m scratching an itch I can’t reach

And craving someone i won’t meet

I’m learning things you will never know

I want you but you’re gone

I need you but you’re done 

You’ve made it very clear. 

I don’t exist

No more of the fairy tales. 

You made it so clear. 

I sought relief 

With or without you. 

I’m looking for someone who I need

Who may or not have past me by

I’m aware of everything right now. 

I love you but you’re gone

I crave you but you’re done. 

Say goodbye

All this has been great

But it’s time

Say goodbye 

The future a threat. 

Now it’s time

Say goodbye

It’s gone and done 

I want you but you’re gone

I need you but you’re done 

I love you but you’re gone

I crave you but you’re done. 

Human

I ache for approval

If you aren’t going to

Then disappear 

I don’t need your negativity. 

I seek some approval

But if you said you do. 

I would still fear. 

You crave my negative energy. 

Somewhere in the middle

We find each other.  

The devil inside

The angel that’s on your shoulder 

What makes us...

Human at the most

This and that, now and again

Human at the best

Good and bad, truth and the lies 

Human at the worst

Sad and mad, questioning why 

I need you to see me 

For better or worst 

This is my self 

And you can not save me I’m okay. 

There’s nothing wrong with me

No blessing or curse 

I am my self

I just struggle with me day to day 

Devil with your fiddle 

We find each other

A truth that’s a lie

An eternity to ponder. 

What makes us...

Human at the most

This and that, now and again

Human at the best

Good and bad, truth and the lies 

Human at the worst

Sad and mad, questioning why 

Finite and flawed

Believing in a higher power

Where’s the line

What’s the lie

 Human at the most

This and that, now and again

Human at the best

Good and bad, truth and the lies 

Human at the worst

Sad and mad, questioning why 

Pure

Home alone 

I don’t know who you are

It’s been so long 

Fear isn’t gone

We should talk from afar

The past is done

Stop please...

Explain yourself to me

What do you want with me now

I’m trying to take care of myself.  

Tell me...

Confess your intent to me

Or is just your psyche now 

I’m still focusing on myself. 

Pure

Trying to find it

Pure 

I’m looking for it

Pure

It’s everything now

Pure

And it’s all on you. 

Here I am

I’ve knows you from afar

All that is wrong 

I won’t be done

We shouldn’t move further 

Our past is done. 

Let go...

I should understand this

But I can’t without your advice. 

What is this and who are we  now 

Pure?

Are we?

True?

Are we?

Sure?

Are we?

True?

Are we?

Pure

Trying to find it

Pure 

I’m looking for it

Pure

It’s everything now

Pure

And it’s all on you. 

The Best

I try to be many things

And end up nothing.  

Yet here I am

Still Trying. 

Until it hurts

Now I’m crying

Because I’m weak

Everything I want to be

Everything I seek 

I’ll never be.  

The best,

Adventurous,

Respected,

Worthy,

I could be yours

And honored

Do you know how much I give

To be denied all

But I won’t run

From all this

And now it burns

This fever I feel

Because I want 

Everything I’ve been denied 

Everything I crave 

I’ll never get 

The best,

Adventurous,

Respected,

Worthy,

I could be yours

And honored

I won’t settle

If that’s my option

I’ll be alone. 

Everything I’ve dreamed of gone

Everything I could 

Be just a dream. 

The best,

Adventurous,

Respected,

Worthy,

I could be yours

And honored

My Freedom

Fuck life 

Fuck a virgin 

Fuck a saint 

Fuck a whore. 

And fuck you

Despite you and your torture 

I’m better off without you

So fuck you 

Despite you and misfortune. 

I’m better off without you. 

Freedom

My freedom

You wish I miss you

But I don’t care. 

This life

New beginnin’

What you ain’t

I want more 

So fuck you

You don’t matter any more 

I’m escaping your touch 

And fuck you 

You aren’t what I’m living for 

I see you never meant much 

Freedom

My freedom

You wish I missed you

But I don’t care. 

I don’t want him

He’s a tombstone

In my memory

He could show up tomorrow

And I’d see a specter

A reflection 

Of a former life. 

Freedom

My freedom

You wish I missed you

But I don’t care. 

Freedom

My freedom

You wish I missed you

Freedom

My freedom. 

Freedom

I’m free

Free of you

You can’t take me back

Say goodbye

Feel The Tremor

Feel the ache

Quiver and shake. 

When you see my face

Smell my scent

Anytime I can come close to you

My lips to your ear

My hand on your waist

Feel the tremor

My hand on your back

My bare skin on yours

Feel the tremor. 

You’re pulling me in

But do

you know just what you’re doing

I’m addictive

Give in to a sin 

Even if 

You don’t know what you are feeling. 

I’m refreshing 

For my sake

Do not mistake

When you see my face

I won’t relent

Anytime someone comes close to you. 

My thoughts on your thoughts

My tongue past your lips

Feel the tremor 

My mouth against your neck 

My skin inside of yours 

Feel the tremor 

You’re pulling me in

But do

you know just what you’re doing

I’m addictive

Give in to a sin 

Even if 

You don’t know what you are feeling. 

I’m refreshing 

You should be compelled.  

To enjoy this moment 

Feel the tremor.  

You’re pulling me in

But do

you know just what you’re doing

I’m addictive

Give in to a sin 

Even if 

You don’t know what you are feeling. 

I’m refreshing 

1984 - Become Sunshine

I was born sometime in 1984

As an uncle a brother of my father

Was dying

Johnny died October 1984 

Six months since my birthday the twenty ninth day

They’re crying

As an infant I was joyous

A bright spot in a sad moment

A spot of sunshine my aunt recognized. 

Keep smiling

Despite the darkness

Become sunshine

And let the light illuminate. 

April the twenty ninety 1984

Something that should have never happened did, now 

Here I am

So later on in 1984

This forbidden child made things a lesser blow 

Here I am. 

As a person I am joyous

A bright point in a sad moment 

A spot of sunshine my aunt recognized 

Keep smiling

Despite the darkness

Become sunshine

And let the light illuminate. 

It’s easy to fall In the darkness

Find your joy in a child

Who knows nothing of pain

And only knows joy...

I was that child

I would be that man

But I’ve known the pain

I do all I can

If I fail I’ll try again. 

Keep smiling

Despite the darkness

Become sunshine

And let the light illuminate. 

I try to be many things

Now I know

Now I see

Your no better than him 

Despite how bright you shine

In spite of what he could want

I’m rejecting him for everything 

Despite how bright you are 

In spite of everything else

I’m rejecting him for everything. 

He’s as sinner

A blatant fool

Who’s done me wrong  

I’m trying to say goodbye 

He’s a liar

Simply a tool

And now she’s gone

No need now for that said goodbye. 

Yes I know

Yes I see

It’s not me or you it’s him. 

Despite how bright you shine

In spite of what he could want

I’m rejecting him for everything 

Despite how bright you are 

In spite of everything else

I’m rejecting him for everything. 

In the winter 

What do I do

Just to be warm

Now that I have said goodbye

You’re simpler

And still a fool

Despite this storm

All any one can say is goodbye 

And I grow

And I’ll be 

Pure, I’ll never be like him 

Despite how bright you shine

In spite of what he could want

I’m rejecting him for everything 

Despite how bright you are 

In spite of everything else

I’m rejecting him for everything. 

We’ve been both sides

He and him and you and I

It’s time to be pure if not innocent. 

It’s time to begin again. 

Despite how bright you shine

In spite of what he could want

I’m rejecting him for everything 

Despite how bright you are 

In spite of everything else

I’m rejecting him for everything. 

Not

I don’t know how I feel

Going down this road again 

I’m too young to be irrationalizing this

But you’re all I’ve ever known

The alpha to my omega

And I’m scrambled in my thoughts of this

Not today

Not tomorrow 

I’m not ready to say goodbye

I can’t find words to say 

Politely

That describe my feelings of losing you. 

For your sake I’ll refrain 

I don’t know what is real 

Songs with similar refrain 

It’s too soon to be imagining all of this 

I’m a child although I’m grown 

Between Alpha and omega. 

I don’t know what to feel of all this. 

Not today

Not tomorrow 

I’m not ready to say goodbye

So today isn’t the day

And gently

We’re back to monotony beside you

Where thought of hope will gain

A foothold. 

Growing roots 

I need that simplicity

Without this dread I’m feeling 

Realizing 

Nothing last

All that lives must one day die 

Not right now but it will come. 

Not today

Not tomorrow 

I’m not ready to say goodbye

Tricked

Lost in time

A trick in rhymes 

Buzzing with difference

Why should I be here without your guidance. 

Twisted twisted bitter times 

I’m not here for that bullshit

Desired desired better times

I’m unaware of these things. 

God damn buttercup 

You’re fucked up

And so am I but you don’t give a fuck. 

I tricked in my head to need you

When I’m better off without you

I’m tricked to believe what you do 

When I don’t need the things you do 

Here am I 

Denying lies 

Trebling to face you

Because my mouth will get ahead of me

Jaded jaded by this “love”

Letting go I won’t miss 

Mistakes mistakes of this “love”

Feelings I’d rather misplace. 

Jesus Christ my dear

I’m fucked up.

Because of you but you don’t give a fuck. 

I tricked in my head to need you

When I’m better off without you

I’m tricked to believe what you do 

When I don’t need the things you do 

The foolish games we play

The empty words we say

We are no better than

Each other right now. 

I tricked my head to need you

When I’m better off without you

I’m tricked to believe what you do 

When I don’t need the things you do 

Bleep Bleep

I’ve been in love with someone 

Who thinks himself too worthy

I wish the sound escaped my ears

The lie he told you the universe. 

Bleep bleep forget it all

As a friend you’ll know it’s all bullshit

Bleep Bleep out of my reach

You’re not the blame but you are 

Bleep bleep I cant love you 

You remind me of someone else 

Every word he said to me

Bleep bleep had me hooked

And faded away. 

I waited for you to come. 

You took time never early 

But you left just like in my fears 

Guess I’ll never escape this curse. 

Bleep bleep has got me hooked

And like a fool I feel for it all 

Bleep bleep was a dream yet

I couldn’t sleep on that day 

Bleep bleep isn’t worthy

Is what I’m telling myself now 

Every chance love gave to me

Bleep bleep had me hooked

And faded away

(Names are retracted to protect the accused, innocent until proven guilty or caught in the act)

Bleep bleep cheated on me

And I allowed it for many years 

Bleep bleep slept with bleep bleep

My once and future did it

Bleep bleep told me the truth

But what’s believable right now

Every hope I have for life

Bleep Bleep had me hooked

And faded away.