Orbiting

You've always been permitted to think

people will leave your life just to circle back

but all this continued going round and round

damn, this circling is dizzying

If there's a tether keeping me in orbit

let me cut myself free

I'm getting ill from your vertigo

If this circuit has been your whole life 

If all this spinning has spun and worn you out

You've lost perspective and you can't see straight now 

That's why you never find your feet

If there's a tether keeping me in orbit

let me cut myself free

I'm getting ill from your vertigo

If a tether is severed

how long until I'm out of reach

or will your gravitas keep me coming round

If there's a tether keeping me in orbit

let me cut myself free

I'm getting ill from your vertigo

But if it's always me coming back 

maybe I can change my trajectory

Finality

Yes I've essentially ignored your calls 

And the messages you leave 

When you said you didn't want to talk again 

This time I'm holding you to your own finality 

Did you think that behavior 

Had no consequence 

When you continue to break my heart 

Eventually there's nothing left to break

Somehow you heard me singing 

And assumed I must be happy

But the only reason I'm harmonizing

To other folks upbeat songs

Is I'm in a continuous state

Of trying to not fall apart 

You really haven't been paying attention

All this time and you don't know 

I don't write happy songs and when singing joy

I inject an undercurrent of melancholy 

Are you really cool like this 

With nothing stable 

And it continually gets worse 

Even if you are I'm not gonna be

Somehow you heard me singing 

And assumed I must be happy

But the only reason I'm harmonizing

To other folks upbeat songs

Is I'm in a continuous state

Of trying to not fall apart 

The irony in all of this unrequested change of course

You were the one who set that bridge on fire

Throwing any accelerant at it that you could find 

And you're still trying to submit your feelings for my consideration

When mine have always been an afterthought that finally came far too late  

A Passage for Love, not Lovers

At some point enough is enough 

I refuse to keep fighting for something 

When all I'm doing is defending my name 

As you invent New Lies against it 

That's nothing I strive for 

What were left holding on to 

Is something neither of us want 

We're just two lonely hearts

Craving a place that makes us whole 

There's nothing I want more 

We found each other on the way 

Surely we'd be heading to the same place 

At least going in the same direction but 

It's a journey for Love Not lovers 

That's something we messed up 

If you're lacking completion 

It's something that you can't provide 

You just make it hurt more 

Ripping away at nothing there 

That's something I know now 

I'm sorry it had to be you 

I do love you I see me in your heart 

And I know we both deserve things that we lack 

It hurts knowing that I made you worse off 

It's something I would change 

It's time to stop extending 

A dead end has to have an end 

Even if it's painful 

Hurt has to come before healing 

That's a fact I won't fight

PROOF OF OUR LIES / no gain

Back then we told each other lies
Convincingly so we'd believe
I wish those lies had been the truth
Imagine the reunion that we'd have then.

But it's not, or is it that
the fact we lied so that we
would walk away and not look back.
Here we are, no better off;
proof of our lies, it's not okay.
As we cried, we gave our word
just so that we'd never get back
what was precious, now history.

Maybe we believed our words then.
We were hopeful and so naive.

But it's not, or is it that
the fact we lied so that we
would walk away and not look back.
Here we are, no better off;
proof of our lies, it's not okay.
As we cried, we gave our word
just so that we'd never get back
what was precious, now history.

We were all we had ever known
and we knew each other well;
villains and heroes over time.
We couldn't see life without us
always being intertwined.  

But it's not, or is it that
the fact we lied so that we
would walk away and not look back.
Here we are, no better off;
proof of our lies, it's not okay.
As we cried, we gave our word
just so that we'd never get back
what was precious, now history.

We carry, things like regret
If we hadn't lied we'd have the chance
To say things, now that we can't
Not postponing pain for no gain

Fairy Tales

 
A happy ending isn't guaranteed
Even in a fairy tale

Have you really read those tales?
Honestly, no one really wins.
No matter the perspective 
the darkness touches them all
at some point or it always lingers
at the end of the day...
Closing our eyes it finds us again

So why do we dream of love and endings 
That are like a fairy tale

I finally understand
jaded folks from my youth now gone,
I just don't know where or how.
Now I'm fulfilling a need
or just a worn out ditch that I find
society has made
a perfect fit like it's just for me.

I always thought that I had missed out but 
My whole life's a fairy tale 

I know because nothing lasts
I'm a dreamer in a nightmare that
I knowingly forced myself to stay in
The more you try the harder it gets 
Always trying to stay in the light 
But darkness is always there waiting
When I close my eyes ... Waiting
I close my eyes... Always
I close my eyes... Darkness
I close my eyes... 
I close my eyes...

Lies that you're told form your personal hell
Your camouflaged fairy tale 

And just like that...

Our parting ways has been coming
almost as soon as we started out.
There're people who thought that we had been done.
Standing here, I wish they were right.

Two people who look for ways to
one up the hurt the other causes
while claiming weak "I love you"'s,
we had to be insane. 

And just like that...
I'm done, I'm through,
I might love you still,
but I have to get over you

It's funny because it might seem 
like I was the one shutting you out,
but really you're the one who sealed the deal 
Sometime before I said no more

I won't be taken for a fool,
or wrong, advantage of, for granted; 
for my voice to be muted 
so yours only sounds clear.  

And just like that.. 
no more, it's done,
I might love you still,
but what does that mean in the end 

You went from not so crazy to
kinda crazy cute to "oh shit for real"...
To maybe this is seriously risky 
now did you REALLY threaten my mortality.

And just like that...
Stop. No. Desist!
I might love you still 
but this isn't what love should be. 

Love Won't Do (What We Need)

We allowed ourselves to build up walls/when we needed to stop and try to heal. We're no longer playing defense / we see nothing but offense.

Why are we always so shocked / at the head-on collision,/ it happens every time. I let love open doors / for you to come setting everything ablaze.

I try and / who knows why / I still cry / ev'ry time / It's no use / love won't do / what we need / it to do

Stop calling it a breakdown of romance; / breakdowns yes, but of other things. / Things like trust, respect, decency, basic things... / broke down like boundaries never put in place.

I guess if I was shady like you / I'd worry I'd get back like I've been giving/ afraid everyone could be the one / that's serving karma and fate.

It's funny you think I don't see / what you're doing, this routine / on repeat every week, / would you get some new material please / it's just sad honestly.

I try and / who knows why / I still cry / ev'ry time / It's no use / love won't do / what we need / it to do

Stop calling it a breakdown of romance; / breakdowns yes, but of other things. / Deflection, deception, deny and deny; are just more D's you say you aren't playing with.

We'll never heal doing the same thing / ignoring pain just to do it again. / You always apologize without feeling / making a cycle we'll just keep on repeating

I try and / who knows why / I still cry / ev'ry time / It's no use / love won't do / what we need / it to do

Stop calling it a breakdown of romance; / breakdowns yes, but of other things. / The fact you say I wasn't giving my all / when you won't show up to try says everything.

The Sooner

I never wanted this, any of it
I wasn't looking for you,

Love, a relationship, at all. 
But once I fell I was all in
Regardless of warnings from everyone

Even now I foolishly believe
it will all work out like fantasy;
But this isn't fiction, just pure friction.
I'm ignoring the obvious, afraid of the pain
But it's starting to chafe

I need to stop blocking the heartache.
It's obvious it's coming,
alongside your last time. 
I've just got to accept the pain.
The sooner I do the sooner it ends. 

Why would I go into this unless I
wanted at least forever
but it hasn't been that long.
You're leaving before you arrive
if you leave me to believe that these days.

I'm not sure if our arguments now
are rooted in insecurities
or a defense mechanism you have.
When you stop falling in love and it's falling apart
coming down always hurts. 

I need to stop blocking the heartache.
It's obvious it's coming,
alongside your last time.
I've just got to accept the pain.
The sooner I do the sooner it ends.

I should have been willing
to go through with it months ago.
It's the only thing you've put effort into

I need -- ---- I need the heartache
It's obvious it's ------
-------- your last time
I've ---- got --- got --- the pain
--- ------ I do --- ------ it ends

Those Promises

 

You weren't supposed to enter my space
And falling for you, dafuq you say?
I forgot I knew of you once
Where the fates drunk weaving this shit?

Yet you were there crossing lines in the hall falling in love
Opening up with me alarmingly quickly
That was when I made those promises

I'd never guess what all we'd go through
Back when I made those promises to you
...but I'd do it again, there's no alternative

We soon became the talk of the Town
"Most toxic couple" is what they say
If only they knew the half...
It's attention noones seeking

If it were anyone else it only lasts a week
But it was you not wanting to fall this hard , love
That was why I made those promises.

If I knew then, wasn't such a fool
Back when I made those promises to you,
I'd do it all again but not so carelessly

God and my mother know
My struggles with all this
I've failed, made mistakes
Of every type, not giving up
So it's not a broken promise
If I'm still holding myself to it

You saw it coming even that day
Back when I made those promises to you
I'd do it all again, no matter what you say

Anywhere But Home (082026 Revision)

"Please wear my jacket” I ask you in the rain

I have no clue about you apart from here and now

You're a risk, unaware, inspiring abandon that a

Helmet won’t save me from my thoughts

Already working with your pull

Ripping me from all I know

You can take me away so that we can

R r r ride into the dawn

No matter where, when I'm with you

I don’t fear this feeling growing just

R r r ride with my heart

Into the unknown without a care

Tell me where exactly are you from?

Is the open road what you call home?

I’d like a life like that for my own…

Please take me anywhere but home!

Baby I can let go of what I know

Live a full life before it’s gone

Experience it all but not alone

Please just take me anywhere but home

We’re leaving the city

But I'm not concerned with

Failed romances, a dead end job

Gloomy weather, no direction

Even without bad memories

It’s time to go

Who knew an enigma like you could lead the way

Let’s only pack just the necessities and

R r r ride out of this town

And throw restraint and fear to the wind

I don’t even want to know I will just

R r r ride to something new

With you by my side nothing matters

Baby I can let go of what I know

Live a life full before it’s gone

Experience it all but not alone

Please take me anywhere but home

Take me anywhere

Please take me anywhere

Gotta take me anywhere

Take me anywhere but home.

I'm assured I don't need all my maps and reference books

I’ll ride fearlessly towards the future with you

Baby I can let go of what I know

Live a life full before it’s gone

Experience it all but not alone

Please just take me anywhere but home

Take me anywhere

Please take me

 anywhere

Gotta take me anywhere

Take me anywhere but home

28 Reasons (VERSION 3)

I kiss your brother just for a thrill

You didn't ask for this but, it’s my pleasure

Just when you feel that I’m only trouble

 I'll give you ecstasy that's more than you can handle 

Ooh ooh I’m breaking every rule

  Making every dream you have, out of reach

So of these 28 Reasons you're collecting

Which one was first to make you cry

Despite these 28 Reasons you’re still here, so...

Are you twisted just like me?

You say you love me, but I can see that you feel so bad

I guess love never makes sense

I'm not the devil, I’ve been called worse so I don't care

I soothe a heart that’s raw and aching

I steal your treasure or at least your hope

 Just for fun, sadly it’s making me bored now

How does love taste? You’d say “Sweet and bitter”

Suffering Delusions I’ll make your dreams come true

Ooh ooh I'm making every rule

Why have I been given this much control?

Why collect 28 Reasons when one's enough

To walk away no questions asked 

And are these 28 Reasons just my kink list

 It's sweet you hurt while needing me

You say you love me, but I can see that you feel so bad

I guess love never makes sense

I'm not the devil, they call me worse so I don't care

As I soothe your heart that’s raw and aching

Why do I need you so much more than ever?

This deviant behavior does turn me on

Here you are with your reasons, yet you stay

Maybe you're actually worse than me

There's no danger, no safe word

Just permission for me

28 Reasons of love and pain

You’re hurt but yet you’re in my bed

(Do you just love the pain?)

Of all the 28 Reasons I give to you

Wait, am I actually the victim 

You say you love me, but I can see that you feel so bad

I guess love makes no sense

I'm not the devil, I've been called worse so I don't care

Do I soothe your heart? It’s raw, still aching...

Envy You (082026 Revision)

Being with you is to be an option

When you're my sea and sky

My broken heart to you is simply

Insignificant

I think I’ve lost my mind, but I know I’m in love

So what if I sacrifice to hold your hand

It's obvious I'm wearing thin, but to me your love means everything

I can’t love you even though I do

Even if I push you away, you’re always within reach

If I abandon myself, give up my shine for you, the irony is that

I still envy you

Every time I find I'm shattered, you know

Your sweet fake nothings can

Somehow get me somewhat together

Does that bother you?

I guess I’ve lost my mind, but I've got this love

You laid it out day one, yet I fell for you

I'm so dumb, and despite all the damage done, it doesn't change the fact

I can’t love you even though I do

Even if I push you away, you’re always within reach

If I abandon myself, give up my shine for you, the irony is that

I still envy you

The months of tears and my broken heart keep me from knowing peace

But I’m still trying

So if you leave, please make it easy

I envy you…

I N V U

INVU

LoveGrams

No matter what I think, or say, or plan to do,
it's always wrong. There's no pleasing you.
I could document every time you disagree,
make me feel dumb and foolish relentlessly.
But it'd be easier to say everything,
because that would cover anything.
Every choice is another incoming fight.
Even when I'm lucky and I'm right,
somehow, for you, I did the right thing wrong.

It doesn't matter when you leave it up to me.
I'm an idiot who never gets you completely.
The truth is, you believe I'm never good enough.
Say what you want, but the evidence backs me up.

It's demeaning to hear you call me fragile.
Anything can shatter under enough pressure.
If it's not how wrong I love,
it's you claiming I don't communicate directly,
or that I fail to anticipate your needs correctly.

But tell me if I'm wrong.
Whose preferences flip like light switches?
How long I've known you doesn't matter
when, despite your claims, everything stays inconsistent.

It's full-on and never-ending,
the way you've got me spinning.
I don't know where I stand,
which way I'm facing,
or where I'm going.

The one thing I can't figure out
is whether it's deliberate.
I hope it isn't.
But you sneer when I fall apart.

You've made conscious, deliberate choices
that you knew would make me suffer.
Weeks or months later, you might apologize,
but only with kind words,
never with substance,
never with change.
Because it's something you've never stopped doing.

Heaven forbid I stand my ground,
or walk away when my fuse burns short.
You'll do everything you can
to keep me feeling smaller,
subservient.

Threats come first.
Follow-through comes next.
They're only preludes to violence.
A swing.
A slap.
Punches.
Two facial scars.  Two iPhones.   Two lacerations. 

Then, when it's time to explain the scars,
I lie for you.
Because I'm the one with the pending charge.

And despite all of this,
this is only a sampling.
I haven't given up on you
like nearly everyone else has.

I see your potential.
I know your worth.
I know what you mean to me,
and what you've done for me.

So when you get on that one-way track,
declaring today's the day you'll end it all,
selfishly, I feel it's the last thing you can still take from me,
after everything else I've willingly let you take.

I know that feeling.
I know that desire all too well.
And since you won't stop threatening it,
I'll plead my case,
but I won't stand in your way.

It all leads me to three questions.

Two are for you.

Why do you stay with someone who is never good enough in your eyes, someone you clearly don't trust?

Why do you stay with someone who has repeatedly explained how you make them feel, yet you continue the abuse anyway?

The last question is for me.

Why do I keep choosing a life where sorrow, misery, and suffering are the only things I can count on?

Wrong For Once

 

I'm sitting here by myself

It's too late to go out

I hate being alone

Because that's when everything that's wrong illuminates 

Now I'm forced to look at myself 

Overdue mirror work

And wonder what to do 

Now I've set myself free 

We werent meant to be, probably 

My friends all agree, but why

Can't I be wrong for once 

So I can act on this desire 

To run find you

And take you back

I thought I was lonely then

When youd stay out all night

Or after a fight

But at least then I knew that we'd always reunite

I made the choice to shut you out

You still try I deny

Another go at it

Why now am I so sure?

We werent meant to be, possibly 

My friends all agree, really

Can't I be wrong for once

So I can act on this desire

To run find you

Still wanting me

I'm still sitting up late alone 

I don't want to think of replacing you

It feels like cheating 

Why do you still hold my heart so tight

When I know in reality 

You never could hold it well

We werent meant to be, I claim

My friends all agree, don't they?

Can't I be wrong for once

So I can act on this desire

To run find out

If I was right 

Time to Come Undone

It's been a few days since we've spoken
So it's been a few days since we've fought
And now you're reaching out to me
Wanting to come and see me
I don't know if you should
I have to say I really miss you
Your absence leaves me feeling incomplete
But the peace and calm these past few days
Make recent choices worth this loneliness

Every second chance was just another battle
Loving you never was logical
But the comfort of this reprieve
Makes these changes obvious

It's time to come undone

If I'm supposed to be better off
Then why am I resisting the change
Every ignored call takes effort
To seem like I just don't care
I know that just isn't fair
But what's fair has never been the point
It doesn't matter now.
You had your chance,
To put the effort in to fix us
I told you then but if you forgot it...

I won't, can't, I refuse to do this anymore
Loving you wasn't logical
And neither was staying so long
This peace just validates that

It's time to come undone

If I were to grant your final wish
Hear you out, see you off, a last hug goodbye
Would just prolong our entanglement
It's sad our first and best healthy choice is walking away
So can't you just agree

We've got to come undone
(We have been in other ways)
To survive come undone
(Don't trip up now)
It's time (don't cry)
It's time (goodbye)
It's time to come undone

Nemesis

In the middle of a fight

I say things I know will hurt you

"I don't love you anymore!"

A lie you'll never unhear

Despite the fact we're textbook toxicity

I've honestly never stopped loving you...

Wanting you, needing you...

Even getting hurt by you

It's reached a point it physically hurts

The bruises are now hands-free 

I hate where we are

I'm afraid to love you still

Why did we let ourselves

Become our worst nemesis

Despite this being my point of view I'll say I'm

Not pretending I'm a saint

I'm ashamed the State made a case out of it

And hate that I learned that lesson hurting you

I'm better but I can't take that away

Yet you stay, and I stay...

Knowing full well we should stop

Holding tight to fading memories

Together just holding hands

I hate where we are

I'm afraid to love you still

Why did we let ourselves

Become our worst nemesis

Even now you're miles away

The state line between us 

Is closer than the real distance between

Are we avoiding the fact

We are exactly where we need to be

I forget who we were

I'm afraid to love you still

Why did we let ourselves

Become our worst nemesis

So where do we need to be?

Healing, mourning, 

With plenty of space between us

Are you my drug of choice?

Is that why I'm denying reality?   

STRIKE FIRST

I had suspicions... I'm a lovefool, but I'm weathered too
Every time I voiced my fears, I was gaslit effortlessly
Before I know it,
I'm foolishly devoted to a con... a player
Even through my adoring eyes I see y our words are... dubious

So how do I find myself caught unaware
With the conflicting lines, I got the truth half the time
You were here getting even for things
that were only your sins of thought

I've heard of a preemptive strike
But what you DO... IT'S something new
I'm left bewildered and confused
End the war before I'm belligerent
Strike First!  Obliterate, raze my heart with everyone

If I wasn't so... brutalized by it I'd be in... awe
The level of planning and imagining conspiracies
If I hadn't gone through it, I'd say
"Impossible!"
How can you let someone love...
you... then ruin them for all time

Of course I play the part you had set for me Armed with just suspicions, I acted out with vengeance
You'd confirm, deny...
Either way you made sure they WOULD take root in me 

I've heard of a preemptive strike
But what you DO, IT'S something new
I'm left bewildered and confused
End the war before I'm belligerent
Strike First! Obliterate, raze my heart with everyone

Even my closest, longest, confidants
Only saw the victim you made yourself
Now I'm here on my own
Brokenhearted... NO... emotionally eviscerated
No trust left or friends
Just unimaginable pain
when you enter my brain

I've heard of a preemptive strike
But what you DID... WHO RUINED YOU?
I'm left... ... numb ... ... dumb
End ... war? ... ... I'm belligerent
Strike First!  Strike ... First??? Pain.   A memory when I could feel.

decorate the cage

It’s hard to make this feeling musical.

No melody alive could carry this hollow.

Even if I stripped these words bare

and spoke them plain into the air,

some drummer somewhere

would still drag a beat from the bones.

But this is not silence.

Not the lack of rhythm.

This is the pain of once holding something warm

and watching it be withheld

for nothing.

No locked gate.

No warning sign.

No barricade of iron or law.

Just a road that starts in sunlight

with everything you prayed for in your hands,

then bends, slowly, smiling,

away from where you need to go.

You cannot turn around.

Time is a hallway with one door.

It closes behind you

each time you breathe.

And say you rebuilt it.

Brick by faithful brick.

Say you found the same hands,

the same room,

the same first light.

Would it live again

with all these wounds still open?

Or would it curdle on arrival,

go bitter on the tongue,

another beautiful thing

spoiled by being touched too late?

So why do we keep walking?

Why feed the machine that hollows us out?

Why return to altars

that never answer?

Maybe we mistake endurance for purpose.

Maybe we call repetition hope.

Maybe we love ourselves so little

we decorate the cage

and name it home.

Entangling.

I hated being so quick to lose my cool 

I regret not being able to breathe and let be

Its a tragedy love isn't really enough 

And I regret giving so much freely 

A shame things had to end this way

But I can't regret doing the right thing 

And walking away, I'll be okay. 

Building walls just to keep you away

I can't care if you're fine or not 

That compassion always snares the trap

Entangling me back with you 

Entangling a crazy rendezvous 

Entangling my heart be damned

Entangling where I was bound

I can't allow my self to reminisce now

I know I'll end up even worse off than I am now 

This parasisic relationship isn't fair 

You always come out of it better still

It's no wonder you fight so hard 

Only at the end to keep it going 

The emotional warfare takes pause

Now your crazy has another cause 

If I break away theres nothing

Stable enough for you to cling to

Entangling so we rely 

Entangling codependency lies 

Entangling all I have now

Entangling all your desires

I can't be who I am

If I stay with you you'll deplete me of what makes me 

And to leave you I have to let go of the last bits

Of empathy I have still to claim my name

If I stay I fade away

And that's why I keep finding I'm 

Entangling me back with you 

Entangling a crazy rendezvous 

Entangling my heart be damned

Entangling where I was bound

Entangling so we rely 

Entangling codependency lies 

Entangling all I have now

Entangling all your desires

Mirror Work

Every day finds its way back here

not loudly

not even deliberately

just… without resistance

the same words

worn thinner each time they’re spoken

until they barely resemble intention

“we’ll be better”

said like a habit

not a promise

and I hear it

while it’s happening

that’s the difference now

nothing is hidden anymore

not the pattern

not the pause before it repeats

not the moment where I could stop it

and don’t

there’s a quiet after

not relief

just the absence of movement

plans get mentioned there

softly

as if saying them gently will make them real

they settle like dust

untouched

exactly where they land

I’ve kept pieces of proof

that I meant something else

fragments of plans

versions of myself

that almost existed

they don’t feel like memories

they feel like evidence

of something that never fully happened

you say my feelings need reigning

that I stretch things too far

that what I hold onto

costs more than it gives

maybe that’s true

but the mirror doesn’t argue

it doesn’t soften anything either

it just shows me

that I see all of this

and stay anyway

there’s a point

I can feel it now

not ahead of me

but close

where this either breaks

or it ends

and I don’t know

if those are different things

it’s quiet here

too quiet to call it peace

more like everything

holding its breath

including me

Unnecessarily

Unnecessarily

I fought to keep us from ending,

certain the collapse

would shatter

what was left of me.

Instead—

silence.

A peace I haven’t known

since knowing you.

Was our love real,

or just a byproduct

of your mimicry

in the light?

Lately you can find me

curled in confusion,

reeling from what just happened

or what might.

I never thought I’d come so close to death.

I tasted it. Twice.

Like the base of your neck—

scentless.

Like the part in your eyes

that never sparked.

If there was love in you—

for me, for anyone—

it lived only as potential.

I sit awake, lights blazing.

I am afraid of myself.

Gaslit enough

to doubt even my own name.

If you told me I was Mitchell Rodney,

would I believe you?

I wanted warning signs.

I saw them.

I didn’t understand them.

A man at midlife

without relations of any kind—

should have been enough.

I’ve learned my life

was at least half a lie.

The pictures only partially true.

And I am not innocent.

I am, too—

an incomplete collection

of painful venom,

unnecessarily.

An Incomplete Collection

I've been fighting to keep this relationship coming to a hault

Fearing an impending chaos too much for my already fracturing psyche 

But all I'm finding at our end is unexpected calming silence

Peace I haven't known since knowing you

Was our love ever real

Or are my feelings just a byproduct 

Of you sociopathic mimicry

To function out in the light

There is one way lately you can always find me

Curled up in confusion,

Reeling either things just happened 

Or anticipating what is next

I never thought I'd ever come so close to death

I could taste it twice

It's like the scent at the base of your neck 

Absent of anything just like the part in your eyes that should sparkle

If there was ever love in your heart for me

Or anyone like you claim

It's really amazing your potential

The amazing things, beyond your wants and needs

Like love or whatever you could dream

But sadly, like my recent ramblings 

Just an incomplete collection of painful venom unnecessarily 

I sit up these nights too late

Every light on, all very bright

I'm scared for myself

I've been gaslight by each significant love in my life expottentially 

I can't trust any word to be true and genuine 

Even a truth like my name so unquestionable

Would I believe you or spiral in uncertainty if you told me my name was Mitchell Rodney

I always wished people came with warning signs

Turns out I just couldn't process what I was looking at

Any man surviving to the midlife point without any significant relations

That's everything I needed to know to stay away 

I obnoxiously promote that through my time with you,

I've learned the life I lived was a least half a lie

My pretty pictures I sold only partially accurate. 

At least I learned and accept I'm just like you 

An Incomplete Collection of Painful Venom Unnecessarily 

Love Knows No

 

I can’t deny I’ll never stop loving you 

It’s impossible it’s from my soul

But how can I allow myself to be hurt 

By your cold and reckless affection 

It’s a love that knows no return

No mutual exchange (lonely)

No enriching touch (empty)

No middle ground (jaded)

No reason to try (so why)

I keep asking to be proven wrong 

I keep waiting to see a change 

You say why should you when I’m not

But how can I when I’ve nothing left

I keep still, not running away 

I keep getting the same result, insane 

Maybe I just don’t understand 

How love is suppose to feel

And think I’ve given more than I have 

Maybe I’m foolish, I probably am

I don’t want to talk and hear the same thing 

That its all my fault over and over again

How things I didn’t do made you feel some way

That gives you the right to whatever you like 

I just want you intricately intimately 

You rather be anywhere but just with me

When we’re alone you’re looking away

For an escape for a distraction from me

How much distance from your soul

Can this love survive as it is 

Cutting it off from what it needs 

Does it grow back or wither lonely 

Is that what you want to see

Is that what I need to know 

If a love knows no

End or hope