An Incomplete Collection

I've been fighting to keep this relationship coming to a hault

Fearing an impending chaos too much for my already fracturing psyche 

But all I'm finding at our end is unexpected calming silence

Peace I haven't known since knowing you

Was our love ever real

Or are my feelings just a byproduct 

Of you sociopathic mimicry

To function out in the light

There is one way lately you can always find me

Curled up in confusion,

Reeling either things just happened 

Or anticipating what is next

I never thought I'd ever come so close to death

I could taste it twice

It's like the scent at the base of your neck 

Absent of anything just like the part in your eyes that should sparkle

If there was ever love in your heart for me

Or anyone like you claim

It's really amazing your potential

The amazing things, beyond your wants and needs

Like love or whatever you could dream

But sadly, like my recent ramblings 

Just an incomplete collection of painful venom unnecessarily 

I sit up these nights too late

Every light on, all very bright

I'm scared for myself

I've been gaslight by each significant love in my life expottentially 

I can't trust any word to be true and genuine 

Even a truth like my name so unquestionable

Would I believe you or spiral in uncertainty if you told me my name was Mitchell Rodney

I always wished people came with warning signs

Turns out I just couldn't process what I was looking at

Any man surviving to the midlife point without any significant relations

That's everything I needed to know to stay away 

I obnoxiously promote that through my time with you,

I've learned the life I lived was a least half a lie

My pretty pictures I sold only partially accurate. 

At least I learned and accept I'm just like you 

An Incomplete Collection of Painful Venom Unnecessarily 

Love Knows No

 

I can’t deny I’ll never stop loving you 

It’s impossible it’s from my soul

But how can I allow myself to be hurt 

By your cold and reckless affection 

It’s a love that knows no return

No mutual exchange (lonely)

No enriching touch (empty)

No middle ground (jaded)

No reason to try (so why)

I keep asking to be proven wrong 

I keep waiting to see a change 

You say why should you when I’m not

But how can I when I’ve nothing left

I keep still, not running away 

I keep getting the same result, insane 

Maybe I just don’t understand 

How love is suppose to feel

And think I’ve given more than I have 

Maybe I’m foolish, I probably am

I don’t want to talk and hear the same thing 

That its all my fault over and over again

How things I didn’t do made you feel some way

That gives you the right to whatever you like 

I just want you intricately intimately 

You rather be anywhere but just with me

When we’re alone you’re looking away

For an escape for a distraction from me

How much distance from your soul

Can this love survive as it is 

Cutting it off from what it needs 

Does it grow back or wither lonely 

Is that what you want to see

Is that what I need to know 

If a love knows no

End or hope 

I Envy You

 Being with you to you I’m an option

When you fill my every need and more 

My broken heart just like your missed mention

Insignificant 

I think I’ve lost my mind but I know I’m in love 

So what if i sacrifice to hold your hand

I know it’s obvious I’m wearing thin but your loves everything so

I can’t love you even though I do 

Even if I push you away you’re always within reach

If I abandon my self, give up my shine for you the irony is that i still envy you 

I can’t relax even if I’m shattered 

You can always rest assured that an “I love you” 

Even if insincere will keep me holding on

Does that bother you at all

I guess I’ve lost my mind but it’s my kind of love

It doesn’t matter you say I’ll suffer and call it love I’m so dumb. 

Before I’m snuffed out if I never heal I’m sorry but 

I can’t love you even though I do 

Even if I push you away you’re always within reach

If I abandon my self, give up my shine for you the irony is that i still envy you 

The months of tears and my broken heart keep me from knowing peace 

But I’m still trying 

So if you do leave please make it easy

I envy you…

I Envy You	INVU
Being with you to you I’m an option	Falling in love To you, I’m just an option
When you fill my every need and more	You and I were different from the beginning
My broken heart just like your missed mention	Broken heart Your missed mention
Insignificant	I’m used to it yeah
I think I’ve lost my mind but I know I’m in love	I think I lost my mind But it's my kind of love
So what if i sacrifice to hold your hand	Without leaving anything Pour everything out and flop
I know it’s obvious I’m wearing thin but your loves everything so	Suddenly at one point I see myself exhausted Even though I'm trying my best
I can’t love you even though I do	So I can’t love you Even though I do
Even if I push you away you’re always within reach	Even if I push you awayI can’t beat you
If I abandon my self, give up my shine for you the irony is that i still envy you	Even I abandon myself and lose myself more The irony is that you shine more   So I N V U
I can’t relax even if I’m shattered	Don’t leanDon’t even expect it?
You can always rest assured that an “I love you”	Even if I repeat it over and over
Even if insincere will keep me holding on	With your one touch Watching me collapse
Does that bother you at all	How do you feel about
I guess I’ve lost my mind but it’s my kind of love	I guess I lost my mind Yeah It’s my kind of love
It doesn’t matter you say I’ll suffer and call it love I’m so dumb.	Like it’s always the first time It hurts me again since I'm so clumsy
Before I’m snuffed out if I never heal I’m sorry but	Before I get dullBefore I even get healed I mess up my mind
I can’t love you even though I do	So I can’t love you Even though I do
Even if I push you away you’re always within reach	Even if I push you awayI can’t beat you
If I abandon my self, give up my shine for you the irony is that i still envy you	Even I abandon myself and lose myself more The irony is that you shine more   So I N V U
The months of tears and my broken heart keep me from knowing peace	The cooled warmthThe broken heart Keeps scratching me
But I’m still trying	It hurts but I can’t stop it
So if you do leave please make it easy	So when you leave Please make it easy
I envy you…	iNVU