Love Won't Do (What We Need)

We allowed ourselves to build up walls/when we needed to stop and try to heal. We're no longer playing defense / we see nothing but offense.

Why are we always so shocked / at the head-on collision,/ it happens every time. I let love open doors / for you to come setting everything ablaze.

I try and / who knows why / I still cry / ev'ry time / It's no use / love won't do / what we need / it to do

Stop calling it a breakdown of romance; / breakdowns yes, but of other things. / Things like trust, respect, decency, basic things... / broke down like boundaries never put in place.

I guess if I was shady like you / I'd worry I'd get back like I've been giving/ afraid everyone could be the one / that's serving karma and fate.

It's funny you think I don't see / what you're doing, this routine / on repeat every week, / would you get some new material please / it's just sad honestly.

I try and / who knows why / I still cry / ev'ry time / It's no use / love won't do / what we need / it to do

Stop calling it a breakdown of romance; / breakdowns yes, but of other things. / Deflection, deception, deny and deny; are just more D's you say you aren't playing with.

We'll never heal doing the same thing / ignoring pain just to do it again. / You always apologize without feeling / making a cycle we'll just keep on repeating

I try and / who knows why / I still cry / ev'ry time / It's no use / love won't do / what we need / it to do

Stop calling it a breakdown of romance; / breakdowns yes, but of other things. / The fact you say I wasn't giving my all / when you won't show up to try says everything.

The Sooner

I never wanted this, any of it
I wasn't looking for you,

Love, a relationship, at all. 
But once I fell I was all in
Regardless of warnings from everyone

Even now I foolishly believe
it will all work out like fantasy;
But this isn't fiction, just pure friction.
I'm ignoring the obvious, afraid of the pain
But it's starting to chafe

I need to stop blocking the heartache.
It's obvious it's coming,
alongside your last time. 
I've just got to accept the pain.
The sooner I do the sooner it ends. 

Why would I go into this unless I
wanted at least forever
but it hasn't been that long.
You're leaving before you arrive
if you leave me to believe that these days.

I'm not sure if our arguments now
are rooted in insecurities
or a defense mechanism you have.
When you stop falling in love and it's falling apart
coming down always hurts. 

I need to stop blocking the heartache.
It's obvious it's coming,
alongside your last time.
I've just got to accept the pain.
The sooner I do the sooner it ends.

I should have been willing
to go through with it months ago.
It's the only thing you've put effort into

I need -- ---- I need the heartache
It's obvious it's ------
-------- your last time
I've ---- got --- got --- the pain
--- ------ I do --- ------ it ends

Those Promises

 

You weren't supposed to enter my space
And falling for you, dafuq you say?
I forgot I knew of you once
Where the fates drunk weaving this shit?

Yet you were there crossing lines in the hall falling in love
Opening up with me alarmingly quickly
That was when I made those promises

I'd never guess what all we'd go through
Back when I made those promises to you
...but I'd do it again, there's no alternative

We soon became the talk of the Town
"Most toxic couple" is what they say
If only they knew the half...
It's attention noones seeking

If it were anyone else it only lasts a week
But it was you not wanting to fall this hard , love
That was why I made those promises.

If I knew then, wasn't such a fool
Back when I made those promises to you,
I'd do it all again but not so carelessly

God and my mother know
My struggles with all this
I've failed, made mistakes
Of every type, not giving up
So it's not a broken promise
If I'm still holding myself to it

You saw it coming even that day
Back when I made those promises to you
I'd do it all again, no matter what you say

Anywhere But Home (082026 Revision)

"Please wear my jacket” I ask you in the rain

I have no clue about you apart from here and now

You're a risk, unaware, inspiring abandon that a

Helmet won’t save me from my thoughts

Already working with your pull

Ripping me from all I know

You can take me away so that we can

R r r ride into the dawn

No matter where, when I'm with you

I don’t fear this feeling growing just

R r r ride with my heart

Into the unknown without a care

Tell me where exactly are you from?

Is the open road what you call home?

I’d like a life like that for my own…

Please take me anywhere but home!

Baby I can let go of what I know

Live a full life before it’s gone

Experience it all but not alone

Please just take me anywhere but home

We’re leaving the city

But I'm not concerned with

Failed romances, a dead end job

Gloomy weather, no direction

Even without bad memories

It’s time to go

Who knew an enigma like you could lead the way

Let’s only pack just the necessities and

R r r ride out of this town

And throw restraint and fear to the wind

I don’t even want to know I will just

R r r ride to something new

With you by my side nothing matters

Baby I can let go of what I know

Live a life full before it’s gone

Experience it all but not alone

Please take me anywhere but home

Take me anywhere

Please take me anywhere

Gotta take me anywhere

Take me anywhere but home.

I'm assured I don't need all my maps and reference books

I’ll ride fearlessly towards the future with you

Baby I can let go of what I know

Live a life full before it’s gone

Experience it all but not alone

Please just take me anywhere but home

Take me anywhere

Please take me

 anywhere

Gotta take me anywhere

Take me anywhere but home

28 Reasons (VERSION 3)

I kiss your brother just for a thrill

You didn't ask for this but, it’s my pleasure

Just when you feel that I’m only trouble

 I'll give you ecstasy that's more than you can handle 

Ooh ooh I’m breaking every rule

  Making every dream you have, out of reach

So of these 28 Reasons you're collecting

Which one was first to make you cry

Despite these 28 Reasons you’re still here, so...

Are you twisted just like me?

You say you love me, but I can see that you feel so bad

I guess love never makes sense

I'm not the devil, I’ve been called worse so I don't care

I soothe a heart that’s raw and aching

I steal your treasure or at least your hope

 Just for fun, sadly it’s making me bored now

How does love taste? You’d say “Sweet and bitter”

Suffering Delusions I’ll make your dreams come true

Ooh ooh I'm making every rule

Why have I been given this much control?

Why collect 28 Reasons when one's enough

To walk away no questions asked 

And are these 28 Reasons just my kink list

 It's sweet you hurt while needing me

You say you love me, but I can see that you feel so bad

I guess love never makes sense

I'm not the devil, they call me worse so I don't care

As I soothe your heart that’s raw and aching

Why do I need you so much more than ever?

This deviant behavior does turn me on

Here you are with your reasons, yet you stay

Maybe you're actually worse than me

There's no danger, no safe word

Just permission for me

28 Reasons of love and pain

You’re hurt but yet you’re in my bed

(Do you just love the pain?)

Of all the 28 Reasons I give to you

Wait, am I actually the victim 

You say you love me, but I can see that you feel so bad

I guess love makes no sense

I'm not the devil, I've been called worse so I don't care

Do I soothe your heart? It’s raw, still aching...

Envy You (082026 Revision)

Being with you is to be an option

When you're my sea and sky

My broken heart to you is simply

Insignificant

I think I’ve lost my mind, but I know I’m in love

So what if I sacrifice to hold your hand

It's obvious I'm wearing thin, but to me your love means everything

I can’t love you even though I do

Even if I push you away, you’re always within reach

If I abandon myself, give up my shine for you, the irony is that

I still envy you

Every time I find I'm shattered, you know

Your sweet fake nothings can

Somehow get me somewhat together

Does that bother you?

I guess I’ve lost my mind, but I've got this love

You laid it out day one, yet I fell for you

I'm so dumb, and despite all the damage done, it doesn't change the fact

I can’t love you even though I do

Even if I push you away, you’re always within reach

If I abandon myself, give up my shine for you, the irony is that

I still envy you

The months of tears and my broken heart keep me from knowing peace

But I’m still trying

So if you leave, please make it easy

I envy you…

I N V U

INVU

LoveGrams

No matter what I think, or say, or plan to do,
it's always wrong. There's no pleasing you.
I could document every time you disagree,
make me feel dumb and foolish relentlessly.
But it'd be easier to say everything,
because that would cover anything.
Every choice is another incoming fight.
Even when I'm lucky and I'm right,
somehow, for you, I did the right thing wrong.

It doesn't matter when you leave it up to me.
I'm an idiot who never gets you completely.
The truth is, you believe I'm never good enough.
Say what you want, but the evidence backs me up.

It's demeaning to hear you call me fragile.
Anything can shatter under enough pressure.
If it's not how wrong I love,
it's you claiming I don't communicate directly,
or that I fail to anticipate your needs correctly.

But tell me if I'm wrong.
Whose preferences flip like light switches?
How long I've known you doesn't matter
when, despite your claims, everything stays inconsistent.

It's full-on and never-ending,
the way you've got me spinning.
I don't know where I stand,
which way I'm facing,
or where I'm going.

The one thing I can't figure out
is whether it's deliberate.
I hope it isn't.
But you sneer when I fall apart.

You've made conscious, deliberate choices
that you knew would make me suffer.
Weeks or months later, you might apologize,
but only with kind words,
never with substance,
never with change.
Because it's something you've never stopped doing.

Heaven forbid I stand my ground,
or walk away when my fuse burns short.
You'll do everything you can
to keep me feeling smaller,
subservient.

Threats come first.
Follow-through comes next.
They're only preludes to violence.
A swing.
A slap.
Punches.
Two facial scars.  Two iPhones.   Two lacerations. 

Then, when it's time to explain the scars,
I lie for you.
Because I'm the one with the pending charge.

And despite all of this,
this is only a sampling.
I haven't given up on you
like nearly everyone else has.

I see your potential.
I know your worth.
I know what you mean to me,
and what you've done for me.

So when you get on that one-way track,
declaring today's the day you'll end it all,
selfishly, I feel it's the last thing you can still take from me,
after everything else I've willingly let you take.

I know that feeling.
I know that desire all too well.
And since you won't stop threatening it,
I'll plead my case,
but I won't stand in your way.

It all leads me to three questions.

Two are for you.

Why do you stay with someone who is never good enough in your eyes, someone you clearly don't trust?

Why do you stay with someone who has repeatedly explained how you make them feel, yet you continue the abuse anyway?

The last question is for me.

Why do I keep choosing a life where sorrow, misery, and suffering are the only things I can count on?