Anywhere But Home (082026 Revision)

"Please wear my jacket” I ask you in the rain

I have no clue about you apart from here and now

You're a risk, unaware, inspiring abandon that a

Helmet won’t save me from my thoughts

Already working with your pull

Ripping me from all I know

You can take me away so that we can

R r r ride into the dawn

No matter where, when I'm with you

I don’t fear this feeling growing just

R r r ride with my heart

Into the unknown without a care

Tell me where exactly are you from?

Is the open road what you call home?

I’d like a life like that for my own…

Please take me anywhere but home!

Baby I can let go of what I know

Live a full life before it’s gone

Experience it all but not alone

Please just take me anywhere but home

We’re leaving the city

But I'm not concerned with

Failed romances, a dead end job

Gloomy weather, no direction

Even without bad memories

It’s time to go

Who knew an enigma like you could lead the way

Let’s only pack just the necessities and

R r r ride out of this town

And throw restraint and fear to the wind

I don’t even want to know I will just

R r r ride to something new

With you by my side nothing matters

Baby I can let go of what I know

Live a life full before it’s gone

Experience it all but not alone

Please take me anywhere but home

Take me anywhere

Please take me anywhere

Gotta take me anywhere

Take me anywhere but home.

I'm assured I don't need all my maps and reference books

I’ll ride fearlessly towards the future with you

Baby I can let go of what I know

Live a life full before it’s gone

Experience it all but not alone

Please just take me anywhere but home

Take me anywhere

Please take me

 anywhere

Gotta take me anywhere

Take me anywhere but home

28 Reasons (VERSION 3)

I kiss your brother just for a thrill

You didn't ask for this but, it’s my pleasure

Just when you feel that I’m only trouble

 I'll give you ecstasy that's more than you can handle 

Ooh ooh I’m breaking every rule

  Making every dream you have, out of reach

So of these 28 Reasons you're collecting

Which one was first to make you cry

Despite these 28 Reasons you’re still here, so...

Are you twisted just like me?

You say you love me, but I can see that you feel so bad

I guess love never makes sense

I'm not the devil, I’ve been called worse so I don't care

I soothe a heart that’s raw and aching

I steal your treasure or at least your hope

 Just for fun, sadly it’s making me bored now

How does love taste? You’d say “Sweet and bitter”

Suffering Delusions I’ll make your dreams come true

Ooh ooh I'm making every rule

Why have I been given this much control?

Why collect 28 Reasons when one's enough

To walk away no questions asked 

And are these 28 Reasons just my kink list

 It's sweet you hurt while needing me

You say you love me, but I can see that you feel so bad

I guess love never makes sense

I'm not the devil, they call me worse so I don't care

As I soothe your heart that’s raw and aching

Why do I need you so much more than ever?

This deviant behavior does turn me on

Here you are with your reasons, yet you stay

Maybe you're actually worse than me

There's no danger, no safe word

Just permission for me

28 Reasons of love and pain

You’re hurt but yet you’re in my bed

(Do you just love the pain?)

Of all the 28 Reasons I give to you

Wait, am I actually the victim 

You say you love me, but I can see that you feel so bad

I guess love makes no sense

I'm not the devil, I've been called worse so I don't care

Do I soothe your heart? It’s raw, still aching...

Envy You (082026 Revision)

Being with you is to be an option

When you're my sea and sky

My broken heart to you is simply

Insignificant

I think I’ve lost my mind, but I know I’m in love

So what if I sacrifice to hold your hand

It's obvious I'm wearing thin, but to me your love means everything

I can’t love you even though I do

Even if I push you away, you’re always within reach

If I abandon myself, give up my shine for you, the irony is that

I still envy you

Every time I find I'm shattered, you know

Your sweet fake nothings can

Somehow get me somewhat together

Does that bother you?

I guess I’ve lost my mind, but I've got this love

You laid it out day one, yet I fell for you

I'm so dumb, and despite all the damage done, it doesn't change the fact

I can’t love you even though I do

Even if I push you away, you’re always within reach

If I abandon myself, give up my shine for you, the irony is that

I still envy you

The months of tears and my broken heart keep me from knowing peace

But I’m still trying

So if you leave, please make it easy

I envy you…

I N V U

INVU

LoveGrams

No matter what I think, or say, or plan to do,
it's always wrong. There's no pleasing you.
I could document every time you disagree,
make me feel dumb and foolish relentlessly.
But it'd be easier to say everything,
because that would cover anything.
Every choice is another incoming fight.
Even when I'm lucky and I'm right,
somehow, for you, I did the right thing wrong.

It doesn't matter when you leave it up to me.
I'm an idiot who never gets you completely.
The truth is, you believe I'm never good enough.
Say what you want, but the evidence backs me up.

It's demeaning to hear you call me fragile.
Anything can shatter under enough pressure.
If it's not how wrong I love,
it's you claiming I don't communicate directly,
or that I fail to anticipate your needs correctly.

But tell me if I'm wrong.
Whose preferences flip like light switches?
How long I've known you doesn't matter
when, despite your claims, everything stays inconsistent.

It's full-on and never-ending,
the way you've got me spinning.
I don't know where I stand,
which way I'm facing,
or where I'm going.

The one thing I can't figure out
is whether it's deliberate.
I hope it isn't.
But you sneer when I fall apart.

You've made conscious, deliberate choices
that you knew would make me suffer.
Weeks or months later, you might apologize,
but only with kind words,
never with substance,
never with change.
Because it's something you've never stopped doing.

Heaven forbid I stand my ground,
or walk away when my fuse burns short.
You'll do everything you can
to keep me feeling smaller,
subservient.

Threats come first.
Follow-through comes next.
They're only preludes to violence.
A swing.
A slap.
Punches.
Two facial scars.  Two iPhones.   Two lacerations. 

Then, when it's time to explain the scars,
I lie for you.
Because I'm the one with the pending charge.

And despite all of this,
this is only a sampling.
I haven't given up on you
like nearly everyone else has.

I see your potential.
I know your worth.
I know what you mean to me,
and what you've done for me.

So when you get on that one-way track,
declaring today's the day you'll end it all,
selfishly, I feel it's the last thing you can still take from me,
after everything else I've willingly let you take.

I know that feeling.
I know that desire all too well.
And since you won't stop threatening it,
I'll plead my case,
but I won't stand in your way.

It all leads me to three questions.

Two are for you.

Why do you stay with someone who is never good enough in your eyes, someone you clearly don't trust?

Why do you stay with someone who has repeatedly explained how you make them feel, yet you continue the abuse anyway?

The last question is for me.

Why do I keep choosing a life where sorrow, misery, and suffering are the only things I can count on?

Wrong For Once

 

I'm sitting here by myself

It's too late to go out

I hate being alone

Because that's when everything that's wrong illuminates 

Now I'm forced to look at myself 

Overdue mirror work

And wonder what to do 

Now I've set myself free 

We werent meant to be, probably 

My friends all agree, but why

Can't I be wrong for once 

So I can act on this desire 

To run find you

And take you back

I thought I was lonely then

When youd stay out all night

Or after a fight

But at least then I knew that we'd always reunite

I made the choice to shut you out

You still try I deny

Another go at it

Why now am I so sure?

We werent meant to be, possibly 

My friends all agree, really

Can't I be wrong for once

So I can act on this desire

To run find you

Still wanting me

I'm still sitting up late alone 

I don't want to think of replacing you

It feels like cheating 

Why do you still hold my heart so tight

When I know in reality 

You never could hold it well

We werent meant to be, I claim

My friends all agree, don't they?

Can't I be wrong for once

So I can act on this desire

To run find out

If I was right 

Time to Come Undone

It's been a few days since we've spoken
So it's been a few days since we've fought
And now you're reaching out to me
Wanting to come and see me
I don't know if you should
I have to say I really miss you
Your absence leaves me feeling incomplete
But the peace and calm these past few days
Make recent choices worth this loneliness

Every second chance was just another battle
Loving you never was logical
But the comfort of this reprieve
Makes these changes obvious

It's time to come undone

If I'm supposed to be better off
Then why am I resisting the change
Every ignored call takes effort
To seem like I just don't care
I know that just isn't fair
But what's fair has never been the point
It doesn't matter now.
You had your chance,
To put the effort in to fix us
I told you then but if you forgot it...

I won't, can't, I refuse to do this anymore
Loving you wasn't logical
And neither was staying so long
This peace just validates that

It's time to come undone

If I were to grant your final wish
Hear you out, see you off, a last hug goodbye
Would just prolong our entanglement
It's sad our first and best healthy choice is walking away
So can't you just agree

We've got to come undone
(We have been in other ways)
To survive come undone
(Don't trip up now)
It's time (don't cry)
It's time (goodbye)
It's time to come undone

Nemesis

In the middle of a fight

I say things I know will hurt you

"I don't love you anymore!"

A lie you'll never unhear

Despite the fact we're textbook toxicity

I've honestly never stopped loving you...

Wanting you, needing you...

Even getting hurt by you

It's reached a point it physically hurts

The bruises are now hands-free 

I hate where we are

I'm afraid to love you still

Why did we let ourselves

Become our worst nemesis

Despite this being my point of view I'll say I'm

Not pretending I'm a saint

I'm ashamed the State made a case out of it

And hate that I learned that lesson hurting you

I'm better but I can't take that away

Yet you stay, and I stay...

Knowing full well we should stop

Holding tight to fading memories

Together just holding hands

I hate where we are

I'm afraid to love you still

Why did we let ourselves

Become our worst nemesis

Even now you're miles away

The state line between us 

Is closer than the real distance between

Are we avoiding the fact

We are exactly where we need to be

I forget who we were

I'm afraid to love you still

Why did we let ourselves

Become our worst nemesis

So where do we need to be?

Healing, mourning, 

With plenty of space between us

Are you my drug of choice?

Is that why I'm denying reality?