Flailing.

 

What is love

That moment 

Where it all feels complete 

Despite everything you told me

Love me

Hold me

Give me 

Meaning. 

Absorb me

Absolve me

Envelope me

and have Me

What’s wrong with me

I’m trying to be great 

I’m flailing in lies 

I’ve yet to tell

What is love

That moment 

Where it all feels complete 

Despite everything you told me

Come on

Let on

But don’t

Be be dumb 

See all this shit

Where’s my hit 

How do I fit

In this “it”

What’s wrong with me

I’m trying to be great 

I’m flailing in lies 

I’ve yet to tell

What is love

That moment 

Where it all feels complete 

Despite everything you told me

Disconnect 

And triangulate. 

The then and now

The true and used

The young and pure

Who what when where why. 

What’s wrong with me

I’m trying to be great 

I’m flailing in lies 

I’ve yet to tell

I’m flailing 

I’m telling 

Yet I’m yearning…

What is love

That moment 

Where it all feels complete 

Despite everything you told me

The beat makes as much as sense

As you

Whisper to me 

What you want 

Or not

This is all bullshit. 

One Up My Father

 

My mom doesn’t hear me

Or read my words

If she did she’d know

I’d one up my father 

And actually kill my self

None of that passive bullshit. 

What a punch in the gut

To realize 

How insignificant I am 

It doesn’t matter 

No matter how hard you try

I’m not worthy

To breathe the same

Air as you. 

But I cry

So many times

I don’t know why

Why I cry

And I lie

Am I alive 

My mom doesn’t hear me

Or read my words

If she did she’d know

I’d one up my father 

And actually kill my self

None of that passive bullshit. 

Focus on what is real 

And what is not 

how do I fit in all of this 

It doesn’t matter 

No matter how hard you try

I’m not worthy

To breathe the same

Air as you. 

Lies cries tries

All that I’ve done

It’s in the past 

It doesn’t matter 

No matter how hard you try

I’m not worthy

To breathe the same

Air as you. 

My mom doesn’t hear me

Or read my words

If she did she’d know

I’d one up my father 

And actually kill my self

None of that passive bullshit. 

Octoberish

 

Let me live in this moment 

Of cinnamon and other spices

It’s a season to die

And I’m okay with that  

It’s time to say goodbye

Let it all end 

My connection to you 

It’s octoberish 

Let the leaves fall

Dead after showing their colors

Let the seasons 

Move as they do throughout all time 

Can I mourn love in this hell 

Angry and bitter of some choices 

All the reasons I try

Always end up flat 

Trust in love is spooky 

Let it all end 

All that I know of you 

It’s all octoberish

Let the leaves fall

Dead after showing their colors

Let the seasons 

Move as they do throughout all time 

Those days 

Haunt me

I won’t say

What they were

I remember 

All the pain

That was in 

October 

I only know myself 

And how I bend

But what about the thing that 

Is just octoberish 

Let the leaves fall

Dead after showing their colors

Let the seasons 

Move as they do throughout all time 

Merry Go Round

 

Joy I know

But can not hold

Love I’ve had

Yet can’t retain 

Bliss I miss

Now every time 

Hope alludes 

My exclusion 

At the end of the road

When we don’t know where else to go

We see ourselves.   For the first time 

And question why we are here at the end. 

Its like a merry go round 

Over and over

Round and round

It’s the same story

And like a merry go round

Up and down

Round again 

It’s the same story

Find some peace

They tell me so

Look for love

Wait what again. 

I don’t want to do this

Now or ever again for what

Eternity? That is a lie 

Love is just for the young dumb and naive 

Its like a merry go round 

Over and over

Round and round

It’s the same story

And like a merry go round

Up and down

Round again 

It’s the same story

Forgive me

I am jaded

I have been there before 

Blindly following lovers tales

They sound good but do not exist 

At least the ones I have chased now and then 

Its like a merry go round 

Over and over

Round and round

It’s the same story

And like a merry go round

Up and down

Round again 

It’s the same story

Does Your God Matter

 Does Your God Matter

Why does your god

Matter in my life

Or how I live it

Have you checked him lately

He’d probably hate you

Much like the hate you spew at us

Jealous vengeful and merciful 

Where do you fall in line

Don’t you see you’re no better than I

But continue to lie

Fill yourself up with ignorance

And drown as truth washes over your idiocy. 

Keep on dreaming that

Your god will protect blindly 

When you die and you end up elsewhere then I would laugh 

Why do I care 

Of your bigotry

You’re a toxic soul 

Why does your god

Matter in my life

Or how I live it

Have you checked him lately

He’d probably hate you

Much like the hate you spew at us

Jealous vengeful and merciful 

Where do you fall in line

Don’t you see you’re no better than I

So just what did he say. 

Judge not lest ye be judge oh that

Must be a thorn in your side every day from Sunday. 

Keep on believing that 

Your hate is somehow divine 

As you burn for being horrible I’ll shake my head 

But it’s a shame 

You’re so twisted in

Lies that you’ve been told 

Why does your god

Matter in my life

Or how I live it

Have you checked him lately

He’d probably hate you

Much like the hate you spew at us

Jealous vengeful and merciful 

Where do you fall in line

Don’t you see you’re no better than I

I’m living life

Right.  Loving the world

Only cause I should 

But it’s a shame 

You’re so twisted in

Lies that you’ve been told 

Why does your god

Matter in my life

Or how I live it

Have you checked him lately

He’d probably hate you

Much like the hate you spew at us

Jealous vengeful and merciful 

Where do you fall in line

Don’t you see you’re no better than I

Touch My Hand

 

Lust love trust bust

It’s a cycle

That’s my life

It isn’t right 

But it’s in sight 

Or is in reach

If I could sense it

Maybe I’d know 

So just…

Touch my hand

Be the man

That no one ever was

Touch my hand 

Like someone

That wants to be the one 

You don’t know

You know Me

It’s alright 

In the truth we find 

Light dark best worst

It’s a battle

Full of strife

With my might

I’ll give the fight 

Is it a reach

An experience 

I do not know 

So just…

Touch my hand

Be the man

That no one ever was

Touch my hand 

Like someone

That wants to be the one 

You don’t know

You know Me

It’s alright 

In the truth we find 

Be the Prince Charming 

The hero in my fairy tale

Just don’t run and hide

Touch my hand

Be the man

That no one ever was

Touch my hand 

Like someone

That wants to be the one 

Goodbye To You

 

I loved you.  

I hated you 

I wanted to be you 

Every word is about you 

Although I don’t want you. 

You influenced me in many ways 

But the you that I knew never stays

Goodbye to you

The lies in my past

Finding out the lies

Goodbye to you 

And things that won’t last

Whatever that brings 

What is true 

What you do 

I just had to be sure 

If anything was that pure 

A fantastical cure 

You said you loved me so many ways 

But the you I know always betrays 

Goodbye to you

The lies in my past

Finding out the lies

Goodbye to you 

And things that won’t last

Whatever that brings 

You were once the one 

Now just one that’s done 

And now that you’re gone

Goodbye to you

The lies in my past

Finding out the lies

Goodbye to you 

And things that won’t last

Whatever that brings 

A Lifetime of Misfires.

 

I see love all around me and

It brings back memories and hopes

And pains and regrets 

A lifetime of misfires.

The old fires still burn and hurt

Lessons learned lifetimes wasted 

But what if one day there is one

Who can heal me.  Love me truly

I want to be ready can I be really 

I want to be loved up 

To be the one

That blends with you 

But I don’t think

I can give myself that freely

Again

Huh, is this an opportunity. 

You came to me to try with hopes

Of things Of mistakes

A lifetime of misfires

Although it’s the past it does hurt 

It is a cycle fractured psyche

I want to be loved up 

To be the one

That blends with you 

But I don’t think

I can give myself that freely

Again

Shot my shot

A million times 

And here we are

Back again with no change 

I’m living a lifetime of misfires 

I want to be loved up 

To be the one

That blends with you 

But I don’t think

I can give myself that freely

Again