Crashing Down

 I’ve tried… that’s all, I tried

To be some kind of  super  human
Who  loves too much with skin of  steel
But now I feel drained and worn out

I let everyone take from me
A  little or a lot
Only once or all the time
And I spared feelings while feeling everything

When everything comes crashing down
its usually just me in my head
but not now, you’ll get hurt as I watch the world burn

Crashing down…
…the world burns

The problem is … it’s you
That  made me not care by just caring
Without being accounted for
Now I’m without a fuck for you

When I scorch your earth and your soul
Don’t give me any blame
When your name  bares all the shame
I’m as good as dead  before it even starts

When everything comes crashing down
its usually just me in my head
but not now, you’ll get hurt as I watch the world burn

Today will be the last day, of the last year
The last time I hold my tongue to save your feelings
…Despite my mental health

Momma Please

 

"Momma Please"

I find myself, alone and bruised
Like we’ve been abandoned and betrayed by trust
And without trust what good can you share with someone?
Anyone?

The only fix that I know never works
We fight the hurt until its done

As your last words lash against my back
All I can remember is the pain
From every time I took abuse
It's unbearable
Momma, please help me find my serenity

Momma, Momma please,
Help me find peace

Years ago, now, or this morning
I attract this treatment like a magnet can pull
But how can I block out the only thing I know
That I don’t know

From lovers to strangers it’s all the same
With old roots  older than  my years

As your last words lash against my back
All I can remember is the pain
From every time I took abuse
It's unbearable
Momma please help me find my serenity

Momma, Momma please,
Help me find peace

Free - Love

   

Don’t fuck this up

It’s simply uncomplicated

Everyone is happy with everything

It would be a shame if fairy tale lies ruined all that’s –

 

Free – Love – free – love

Just enjoying

Free – Love – free – love

I’m salivating

Free – Love – free – love

 

I don’t want that love that hurts

It’s nothing but an emotional distraction

I don’t want that love that  hates

Just a waste of time that’s full of complications

 

Don’t hold onto

The lies of love that we’ve been sold

No one’s happy, truly, living like that

So why don’t you surrender to what this is and enjoy

 

Free – Love – free – love

Just enjoying

Free – Love – free – love

I’m here and I’m thriving

Free – Love – free – love

 

I don’t want that love that lies

It’s nothing but an emotional distraction

I don’t want that love that  bleeds

Just a waste of time that’s full of complications

 

I don’t want to be in love

If a heart can break by the  time that it’s done

I don’t want a love that binds

All I want is

 

Free – Love – free – love

Just enjoying

Free – Love – free – love

I’m salivating

Free – Love – free – love

Just enjoying

Free – Love – free – love

I’m here and I’m thriving

Free – Love – free – love 

Like That

Here in the dawn

You’re still in my arms

I don’t know what that means

I could fantasize of a future

That won’t ever be

I could just hope it’s true

We know I’ll never see 

Love

Like that

Or anything 

Like that ever my friend 

Let love be wrong

So I can write off 

These feelings I am feeling 

I’m living in this world and trying 

Not be bound to love 

Despite all my crying. 

I will still rise above

Love

Like that

Or anything 

Like that ever my friend 

I won’t tie myself down again

I won’t trouble myself with

Love and lust emotions or pain

No matter how much it

Hurts I cry I  call out 

Love

Like that

Or anything 

Like that ever my friend 

…to be…

 

All I know is I want to belong 

With you or without 

I’m craving a place

I can’t fault my past 

They were steps I made

So I can be here now. 

Is this home or another step

Along the way, what can i say. 

Other than I always want more 

Despite all hope my want is all gone 

Give me something 

That I can aspire 

To be, let me be 

Leave me alone dear 

Here is my lonely prowl. 

Is this home or another step

Along the way, what can i say. 

Other than I always want more 

Do you know

The sum of me

Do you …

Is this home or another step

Along the way, what can i say. 

Other than I always want more 

The Best

 

Carolina boy

Taurus shit

Bullshit rising 

But What is this?

I’m out here living 

My best life

You can dump on me all you want

I’ll always be here to remind you 

I’m the best 

No contest

Let it rest

I’m the best

Let it rest

I’m the best. 

Forget all you heard 

It’s a lie

Trying denying 

A fantasy. 

God damn what is this

Feeling dear 

Nothing ever makes any sense 

I try I cry and I love again

I’m the best 

No contest

Let it rest

I’m the best

Let it rest

I’m the best. 

Try and live and relive 

All the best 

Forget the worst 

Live it up

I’m the best. 

I’m the best 

No contest

Let it rest

I’m the best

Let it rest

I’m the best. 

Defragment

 

Defragment

What is this

Who are you 

No one knows anything 

When was that 

Why do I

Live a lie?  Tell me why 

I’m putting together 

My scattered memories 

For no one else but me. 

Can you just let me be

I’m defragmenting 

Everything that is of me

Nothing really matters 

Other than everything. 

Who are you

What is this 

No one knows anything 

Where are we

Why can I 

Be myself.   Tell me why

I can get forever 

But what of fantasy 

Can I live?  Set me free!

Let me live. 

Fuck the noise and see me 

I’m defragmenting 

Everything that is of me

Nothing really matters 

Other than everything.   

And as we put it all together 

It makes more or less sense 

But we’re still trying 

To connect it all

I’m defragmenting 

Everything that is of me

Nothing really matters 

Other than everything. 

It Hurts

 

And i 

Love you so much 

It hurts 

Let’s be honest 

Despite the wine

I need you

It’s not simple

These feelings lie 

What is true

I don’t know 

What is this messed up emotional shit

Let me breathe

In and out and comprehend all of it 

But… but… but

I’m trying although 

I… try… I…

Want to be better 

And i 

Love you so much 

It hurts 

My soul is gone

What a damn crime 

I’m a fool

For loving you

What can I do

No one knows

How to live

When infatuation and common sense meet

No one knows 

The meaning of all of this I digress. 

So… so… so… 

I’m feeling some things 

That… I… know… 

Will ruin me dear

And i 

Love you so much 

It hurts 

I’ve lived in solitude

And full of lies 

The truth is

It hurts

Why… why… why…

Did I lie to you. 

But.. right… now

I accept freedom

And i 

Love you so much 

It hurts 

The Same Air

 

I’ve said it over and over again 

I’m done being my stories victim 

Let me shine despite all of the lies 

Let me breathe. Give me air.  Back up!

Right now all I know is my soul. 

Despite my past it’s all I have 

And here we are

Breathing the same air

Despite it all

We’re breathing the same air. 

I love you dispute all the delusions. 

Let’s be free of any consequence

And let love be only care

In my life if that’s alright there 

I’d sell my soul for this last chance 

There nothing else I can give up

And here we are

Breathing the same air

Despite it all

We’re breathing the same air. 

It’s my last breath

And the same air

Suffocating 

On the same air. 

Let me catch my breath

I’m chocking gasping for air

And here we are  

Oxygen deprived 

Wanting more 

And here we are

Breathing the same air

Despite it all

We’re breathing the same air. 

Make It Right

 

What am I but a humble man

Crying out 

For attention I’m unworthy 

But who are we

Who am I 

Despite that 

I’m the one 

I’ll be the one 

Who’s right from wrong. 

I wanted love 

But now I don’t care 

Fix it make it right 

Fix it make it right 

God damn it 

Make it right. 

And who am I but better than

Anyone 

It’s just the truth where is the lie 

I try my god 

To be one 

I rise 

Above this

Give me a kiss

The past is gone 

What is above 

Is it something fair 

Fix it make it right 

Fix it make it right 

God damn it 

Make it right.

In the dark in the light 

I don’t want to be here 

The dusk and the dawn

Myself is all I can fear 

Fix it make it right 

Fix it make it right 

God damn it 

Make it right.

I Can’t (just don’t hurt me)

 

I’m just trying to be

The best version of me. 

Here I am

Incomplete 

But worthy of…

Your love, your trust 

I can’t get enough 

Your time, your lust 

I can’t get enough 

I don’t care what you do

Just don’t hurt me

I don’t mind anything 

Just don’t hurt me

Don’t 

Just don’t 

Don’t hurt me

Just don’t hurt me. 

I just want to be seen

Despite the in between 

That they talk

About me

Not knowing I 

Want love, want trust

I can’t get enough 

Want time, your lust

I can’t get enough. 

I don’t care what you do

Just don’t hurt me

I don’t mind anything 

Just don’t hurt me

Don’t 

Just don’t 

Don’t hurt me

Just don’t hurt me. 

Fairy tales and bitter lies have groomed me

To not expect anything but heart ache

Can you do it differently 

And give me a happy ending 

I don’t care what you do

Just don’t hurt me

I don’t mind anything 

Just don’t hurt me

Don’t 

Just don’t 

Don’t hurt me

Just don’t hurt me. 

Air 2022

 

I can’t breathe 

I’m suffocating 

I can’t escape 

You or any anything 

I’m trying to find my way

Free of my past 

And anything 

That lingers on

And maybe  one day soon 

I can breathe

Open up and breathe 

I’ll just breathe 

Despite everything 

I’m alone. 

Don’t know what to do. 

Right now I pray

For a damn sign 

Oh hey by the way I’m gay. 

True to myself 

And everything 

That’s not enough. 

And maybe  one day soon 

I can breathe

Open up and breathe 

I’ll just breathe 

Despite everything 

But inhale

One two three 

Release 

And just breathe 

One two three 

Release. 

And maybe  one day soon 

I can breathe

Open up and breathe 

I’ll just breathe 

Despite everything