Where Is It?

 Where Is It?

These feeling I shouldn’t have 

Make me not want to breathe

Just the thought of you not with me

Makes me choke up, what’s wrong with me

I’d rather die than feel like this 

Maybe it’d be different in another life

Instead of your double one

That I walked into

Eyes open and knowing 

Where’s this stop, does it start to end?

Where’s the line where this isn’t okay

Where’s the sign that my hearts been broke 

Where’s my cue to know I’ve gone too deep

Where is it? Where is it? Where is it, damn it?

I know how bad this will end

I’m here and don’t know why

As no sex beats the souls anguish

That’s bound to be conceived in this 

Am I a sadomasochist?

What about you, in the end where do you land?

Safely on the other side?

Not broke with me…

Did you know this before…

…you got me into this. 

Where’s this stop, does it start to end?

Where’s the line where this isn’t okay

Where’s the sign that my hearts been broke 

Where’s my cue to know I’ve gone too deep

Where is it? Where is it? Where is it, damn it?

You are the right mix of danger and toxicity 

To make me forget every bit of decorum 

You’ve unknowingly already wounded my heart

And I’m still here wanting to be dumb and hold your hand. 

What’s sad is the lies a lie too

We’re just too fucked up to admit

That in the end none of this was real

So did any of it happen anyway? 

Where’s this stop, does it start to end?

Where’s the line where this isn’t okay

Where’s the sign that my hearts been broke 

Where’s my cue to know I’ve gone too deep

Where is it? Where is it? Where is it, damn it?

I know it isn’t fair to just blame you, I’m complicit too!

But as I write notes for my mother…

About how I want my funeral to play out 

It’s the first time that I find some genuine joy when you cross my mind.