Caffeine and Nicotine

 

I look back at my day and wonder how I’m still standing here

Surely by now I’d be torn apart just adrift in a storm

The bits of me I still recognize feel insignificant 

To just about anyone I know and that’s including me

I marvel at my current actual existence right now 

I find myself held together by caffeine and nicotine

That’s all it can be

There’s nothing left of what I’ve consumed 

Nothing from a helping hand or offering plate 

To sustain my body, or mind or spirit

It’s all I can do to structure thought 

Much less speech or movement to breathe

But here I am

Out of breath but breathing 

With nothing left that isn’t thread bare

Still expected to be strong despite it all

But in my mind I’m disconnecting 

I look back at my day and wonder how I’m still standing here

Surely by now I’d be torn apart just adrift in a storm

The bits of me I still recognize feel insignificant 

To just about anyone I know and that’s including me

I marvel at my current actual existence right now 

I find myself held together by caffeine and nicotine

That’s all there is

An instinct to keep moving onward

Even if it’s just kinetic energy now

From the years gone by when I rush through my life

When I didn’t know, I feel like this, and not understand this weakness

So I exist

Without the wheel to be

Went down to something less than myself

Questioned why I could ever let myself go

Not understanding the sights or sounds

I look back at my day and wonder how I’m still standing here

Surely by now I’d be torn apart just adrift in a storm

The bits of me I still recognize feel insignificant 

To just about anyone I know and that’s including me

I marvel at my current actual existence right now 

I find myself held together by caffeine and nicotine