These Waters

I’m trying to find words to say the unsaid

It’s been 10 years but for me

It could be a day or a century 

Depending on the day 

We might have lost you in 2009

But I lost you not long before

The moment I became a man

You regressed to an absent mind

Your memory still crashes on my shore

The waves still wash over me

Now it’s time to return you

To these waters.  

This is where you always wanted to be in life

And in death you wished the same 

These waters were your joy and now today

You’ll always be combined 

I’m still trying to honor your memory  

But I don’t know what you’d say 

As that is the one talk we never had 

A regret still today

Things haven’t been the same since 2009

I can’t tell you anything now

And When I wanted to come clean

You couldn’t try to comprehend 

Your memory still crashes on my shore

The waves still wash over me

Now it’s time to return you

To these waters.  

This is where you always wanted to be in life

And in death you wished the same 

These waters were your joy and now today

You’ll always be combined 

This is goodbye

Blend your ashes with the lake

As you wished, you don’t know how much I fought for this

I hope I made you proud. 

A New Start

I’m ready to let go and move on

It’s time to leave “you” behind

You’ll always hold a place in my heart

The future I see is all my own 

Since your heart cannot be mine

It’s time for me to make a new start

Since the day we went our own ways

I kept you in my heart

Kept a candle lit knowing there was no chance

You’ll never know what you meant

And even if you did

You couldn’t know what it means to let you go

I’m ready to let go and move on

It’s time to leave “you” behind

You’ll always hold a place in my heart

The future I see is all my own 

Since your heart cannot be mine

It’s time for me to make a new start

Don’t worry we’ll always be friends

Don’t worry about that 

I’d be offended with anything less than...

I gave every bit my heart

Now I’m healing 

To be able to give that freely again

I’m ready to let go and move on

It’s time to leave “you” behind

You’ll always hold a place in my heart

The future I see is all my own 

Since your heart cannot be mine

It’s time for me to make a new start

I’m holding your words tight 

As I let go of ever hope attached to "you"

That you will be happy when I’m happy

As I make time now for a new start

I’m ready to let go and move on

It’s time to leave you behind

You’ll always hold a place in my heart

The future I see is all my own 

Since your heart cannot be mine

It’s time for me to make a new start

I Walk Away

Do you remember how much fear you gave me

Did you feel it... did you see it?

I’ve never been afraid like I was that day 

There was nothing left to say. 

I gave you “then some” as well as everything 

You didn’t care... you said you did. 

But your actions proved you to be a liar 

Now my world is on fire. 

When I let you in my life I never intend to let you go

Especially when I held you soul so close

What did you do that day...

That could make me say....

I am going on, I walk away?

One time someone’s violence caught me off guard 

Never before... never again 

I swore I wouldn’t put myself in that spot

I am still too young to rot. 

No one knows our final days but you and I

You might not remember but I won’t forget. 

There is a reason why I chose to run away

If you could remember then you could regret. 

When I let you in my life I never intend to let you go

Especially when I held you soul so close

What did you do that day...

That could make me say....

I am going on, I walk away?

Do you remember every time you made me cry 

Did you feel it, did you see it?

I gave you everything i could ever give. 

Sacrificed so you could live. 

Do you know,

Why I let you go?

Never Enough

I keep giving you blood sweat and tears 

But you keep telling me that I’m not good enough

I keep suffering all of my fears

Your actions suggest that I’m not good enough. 

I could give your everything beyond my reach and it still wouldn’t be good enough

Because your heart is beyond my grasp as the past you love you won’t give it up. 

It’s never enough is it

No matter what I do

It’s never enough is it

No matter what I say

It’s never enough is it

No matter who I am

It’s never enough is it

You can’t appreciate who I am

Despite your ego I know I’m better than you 

I am not ashamed at who I am 

Not matter the lies I know the good I do. 

Despite you I’m still here in this space and time forget all the reasons why, despite you and everything thing I’m still standing 

Not that you would ever care. 

It’s never enough is it

No matter what I do

It’s never enough is it

No matter what I say

It’s never enough is it

No matter who I am

It’s never enough is it

So Called Love Affair

The colors of the sunrise

Don’t compare to the sunset

Not matter the beauty of the dawn

It pales compared to the light of dusk

Beginning to end 

I appreciate everything 

Of this love affair 

Start until finish

I appreciate everything 

Of this love affair. 

Bitter at the beginning

When everything fell apart

You took advantage of my naivety. 

I’d like to give you forgiveness

But on that I knew you took me for a token fool

The colors of the sunrise

Don’t compare to the sunset

Not matter the beauty of the dawn

It pales compared to the light of dusk

A little wiser now but

Another man caught me out. 

How can you be prepared from one bad choice 

Another broken heart and choice 

I thought he’s give me something when he gave me nothing 

The colors of the sunrise

Don’t compare to the sunset

Not matter the beauty of the dawn

It pales compared to the light of dusk

Beginning to end 

I appreciate everything 

Of this love affair 

Start until finish

I appreciate everything 

Of this love affair. 

I could tell you everything 

At this point it doesn’t matter. 

Despite the light the darkness remains 

It is what it is

It’s all intertwined 

This so called love affair 

The colors of the sunrise

Don’t compare to the sunset

Not matter the beauty of the dawn

It pales compared to the light of dusk

Beginning to end 

I appreciate everything 

Of this love affair 

Start until finish

I appreciate everything 

Of this love affair. L

At Peace

Here I am 

Being me

Call it profound

But it is what it is

Honesty

What you see

What can be found 

So it is what it is

Behind all the bullshit

I’m not a sinner or a saint

I’ve fucked around

And still am forgiven

Don’t throw your judgement on me

Can you say the same

I’m at peace

Should I die tomorrow

I’ll Rest In Peace

If I live another day 

I’m at peace 

Nothings wrong

I’m just fine

Your acceptance 

Is something I’ll allow

Despite you

And your crime

Is in essence 

I would never allow 

Behind all the bullshit

You’re no better than anyone 

And nor am I 

Yet we’re no different than 

Each other from what I see 

Can you say the same

I’m at peace

Should I die tomorrow

I’ll Rest In Peace

If I live another day 

I’m at peace 

Girl Princess Woman Queen

Girl princess woman queen

Do your thing,make the world yours

No matter what anyone tells you. 

Do your thing fuck the patriarchy. 

I don’t understand you

Physically we should combine

But sexually I’m not interested

Yet mentally I’m closer to you

If I can do what I want because I’m a man

You should do the same as a woman.  

I’m your biggest fan

Although I want nothing to do with you

That way

I’ll do what I can

As a companion to your slighted life 

So friend 

Girl princess woman queen

Do your thing,make the world yours

No matter what anyone tells you. 

Do your thing fuck the patriarchy. 

Do everything you can

To Bring the future in line so

We never find our selves here again

Toxicity of masculinity 

We’ve rode that ride too long

Do you know how wrong it is

When a Caucasian minority

Rules us all

It’s time to tell them all goodbye

You could say I’m one of them

But because I’m not heteronormative 

I’m a second rate citizen

So they can all say goodbye 

Be my leader

Be a queen

Stand above it all

And be you. 

Girl princess woman queen

Do your thing,make the world yours

No matter what anyone tells you. 

Do your thing fuck the patriarchy.