These Damaged Goods

 These Damaged Goods

I shine the brightest

In my darkness

The one you adore

Is so hated. 

I’m misunderstood 

Try as I might

Despite my heart

I’m all alone 

And in the end I

Can only cry 

I’m insufferable to myself

I don’t know 

If I show

Who I am

Would you care 

Or pass me as inconvenient 

These damaged goods

My heart my soul 

And confidence 

Mean nothing to anyone

These damaged goods

My life my love

And all my spirit 

Mean nothing to anyone 

I crave desire 

That approval 

It’s an empty goal 

I’ll never know

What a soul feels like

I feel wasted 

Truly Unfulfilled 

Lost in the world

And when it does end 

At least I try

I’ll be my own worst enemy 

In my eyes

If I try

To be right

Would you see

How great I am or walk away 

These damaged goods

My heart my soul 

And confidence 

Mean nothing to anyone

These damaged goods

My life my love

And all my spirit 

Mean nothing to anyone 

When your worst enemy is yourself

You always try to find a way out of

The battle you have with yourself

A TKO with that negativity 

But it never ends

That darkness holds on

And drags me down.  

To the ground

And breaks me up leaving 

These damaged goods

My heart my soul 

And confidence 

Mean nothing to anyone

These damaged goods

My life my love

And all my spirit 

Mean nothing to anyone 

I’m Not Right Here

 I’m Not Right Here

I’m not right here 

I’ve thought to myself

Every day of my life

The feelings of emptiness

And hollow relations 

Echo inside my consciousness 

Feeling distant and detached

From everyone I’ve ever known

Wanting to be a part of something 

Yet always retreating to solitude

I don’t know how to belong

Just maybe I’m what’s wrong

I’m not right here 

That’s just my fear 

I’ve thought to myself

Am I even enough 

Every day of my life

Until the end of this strife

That moment of reflection 

Of just seeing nothing 

Burn my mind with the loneliness 

Being seen but rarely heard 

And my noise just is a bother 

Let me disappear like I came 

Without a care or fanfare I fade out

Gone without a single spark 

My goodbye won’t be long 

I’m not right here 

That’s just my fear 

I’ve thought to myself

Am I even enough 

Every day of my life

Until the end of this strife

Maybe another time and place

I’ll be at home

But here I reach for the stars 

After they’re gone 

It’s okay to move on

I’m in the dark 

I’m not right here 

That’s just my fear 

I’ve thought to myself

Am I even enough 

Every day of my life

Until the end of this strife

That moment of reflection 

Of just seeing nothing 

Burn my mind with the loneliness 

The feelings of emptiness

And hollow relations 

Echo inside my consciousness 

I’m not right here 

I’ve thought to myself

Every day of my life

I’m in the dark 

In the dark

The dark 

Dark 

The Holiday Songs

 

My toes are cold but

My hearts still warm

In my head I’ve braved a blizzard 

Just to be close to you. 

Because right now

I need you close to me

All the fairy lights 

The holiday songs 

Make me want you

More and more

Here with me

To celebrate 

I still feel a chill

The drinks are warm 

My soul was broken and frozen

Dreaming of one like you. 

As I want love 

I want you here with me

All the fairy lights 

The holiday songs 

Make me want you

More and more

Here with me

To celebrate 

All the evergreen

The holiday songs 

Make me miss you

More and more

To have you 

Under the tree. 

I’m missing something

To fill me up 

It’s you that can complete me now 

A present I’ve asked for 

Please Santa please

Deliver my one wish

All the fairy lights 

The holiday songs 

Make me want you

More and more

Here with me

To celebrate 

All the evergreen

The holiday songs 

Make me miss you

More and more

To have you 

Under the tree. 

All the bobbles chime

The holiday songs 

Make me need you 

More and more 

Forever 

And ever on. 

In This Space

 In This Space

I never thought I belonged

In this space 

You all occupy 

But here I am

Trying to breathe

In the dark

I’m so lonely with myself

In this space 

That goes forever 

Eternally 

I want a place 

In the know

There is no sort of peace I know

In this space

It’s a lot of noice 

That echoes on 

It’s deafening 

To my soul. 

I’m cold and bitter and jaded 

In this space 

All I know is pain 

Aches that torture

Me mentally 

And really 

It’s honest and realistic here

In this space

Everything is real

My lot in life

Eternity 

I still plead

I can find happiness and love

In this space 

What’s undetermined

I hope it’s most

So I can breathe

For the best.  

Leviticus.

 

Touch me love me

Feel me all the wrong ways 

Don’t fail me. 

Kiss me hold me

Have me all the wrong ways

Don’t miss me. 

I’m laying it down

How to do me right 

And what is wrong 

How to love me

How to leave me 

Not that you’d want to

But there are rules 

How you should behave 

This is my Leviticus. 

There are actions 

Things that we believe 

This is my Leviticus 

Adore ignore 

The feelings we crave dear 

What’s your wish

Pleasure absorbed 

The things we want but fear 

What’s your miss. 

As I grind the ground 

What’s good for my light 

And what is my soul

Just is it  pure 

What is so true

Answers I need to know. 

But there are rules 

How you should behave 

This is my Leviticus. 

There are actions 

Things that we believe 

This is my Leviticus 

Hit ‘em With Everything

 Hit ‘em With Everything (Come On Strong)

Don’t be scared of me

Im forward when I need to be

Let me shine

It’ll be alright

There’s nothing wrong 

If it’s alright. 

My game has always been

Come on strong 

Hit ‘em with everything

Leave ‘em dazed confused

Have ‘em wanting more of me

Hit ‘em with everything 

Leave ‘em hot bothered

Have ‘em feeling ecstasy 

It’s a hit they say 

Being real in this life that’s right

Can I be

Everything you need 

All I know is 

Just what I need

The same thing still stands then

Come on strong. 

Hit ‘em with everything

Leave ‘em dazed confused

Have ‘em wanting more of me

Hit ‘em with everything 

Leave ‘em hot bothered

Have ‘em feeling ecstasy 

I’ll make you lose control

Of your mind and body

Make you let go of everything 

I’m good and holding a release 

You didn’t know how I 

Come on strong 

Hit ‘em with everything

Leave ‘em dazed confused

Have ‘em wanting more of me

Hit ‘em with everything 

Leave ‘em hot bothered

Have ‘em feeling ecstasy 

In The Woods

 

In the woods I found myself 

I became a man

I took a man

And found my road. 

That sounds cute but it’s brutal

I was too young and he was too old

In that short time in February 

My innocence was obliterated 

It’s not a moment I’m proud of

But I’m claiming despite the pain

Although it’s all wrong

I wouldn’t be me without it and I love me

In the scent of pines and juniper 

Floats the smell of guys so raw

In the woods I found myself 

I became a man

I took a man

And found my road. 

The journey has been bitter

I kept mistaking the wrong for right 

And maybe I still fuck it up now

My sense of what’s pure is just a bit spoiled 

What is love without tragedy 

Especially overcoming 

The tragic missteps 

Of my youth that make me exactly who I am now 

In the scent of pines and juniper 

Floats the smell of guys so raw

In the scene of birth and decay 

Floats the smell of give and take

In the woods I found myself 

I became a man

I took a man

And found my road. 

That day took so much away

And changed me so much so

In the scent of pines and juniper 

Floats the smell of guys so raw

In the scene of birth and decay 

Floats the smell of give and take

In the place that I let myself go 

Floats the ghost of innocence 

In the woods I found myself 

I became a man

I took a man

And found my road.