Lake Days

 Lake Days

That moment in the moonlight

I felt you were mine

We danced at the bonfire

Without a care dear 

But we wake up and recognize 

That what ever we were feeling was just a moment 

I loved you I thought 

But that was an illusion 

Created by the lake days

I spent with you 

I thought if I sought 

My dreams tragic illusions 

Created by the lake days

I spent with you

And as the sun did rise up

You drifted away. 

Like you were never there

Like a fantôme

But we open our eyes and see 

A prism of light hopes and dreams on the waters surface 

I loved you I thought 

But that was an illusion 

Created by the lake days

I spent with you 

I thought if I sought 

My dreams tragic illusions 

Created by the lake days

I spent with you

Do we even know each other

Much less ourselves

We claim to be better than our pasts

Those lake days.   But are we?  Are we?

I loved you I thought 

But that was an illusion 

Created by the lake days

I spent with you 

I thought if I sought 

My dreams tragic illusions 

Created by the lake days

I spent with you

I’d know

I’d see

I’m still blind 

The sun setting on the lake

Has blinded me. 

The sun setting on that day

Has blinded me. 

I know 

I see

I’m still blind

Lake days

Good days

Bad days 

Love days

Hate days 

Lake days 

With someone I’ll never see again.  

Clean

 Clean

I’m not a fool

I’ve been tool

And hurt so many 

I can’t ignore

My life before

I became aware

Of what I said

What I had done

I’m not that man

Anymore

I won’t deny

How horrible 

I was but not

Anymore 

I’ve said my peace

Confessed my sins

And begged forgiveness 

So am I clean

I am aware

I was there

Being a slick snake 

You were bruised

By the abuse 

From my foolishness

I was so wrong

How I behaved 

But that was then

And not now

I rebuke me

All of my sins

That was the past

And not now 

I’ve said my peace

Confessed my sins

And begged forgiveness 

So am I clean

As I run through all the trauma I cause 

I try to atone for everything I’ve done

To be clean

As I accept the man that I should be

I try to no longer deflect the blame I’m due

To be clean

I’ve said my peace

Confessed my sins

And begged forgiveness 

So am I clean

Stumble

 Stumble

I’ve been broken many times

It doesn’t matter in time

Resilience just moves me forward 

No matter just how many times 

I end up here

For my failures my tries 

I give my all if it’s lacking 

I can do it better next time 

Although along the way

Mistakes will be made. 

I stumble

I bruise

I make mistakes

And get up again

To stumble

To prove 

I won’t give up

Even if I fail. 

In the fragments of failure

There is a piece of success

That I hold onto and nourish 

So I can grow and be the one

That’s best for me

Without apology 

I need that thing that isn’t here

That I’m manifesting for me

Although along the way

Mistakes will be made. 

I stumble

I bruise

I make mistakes

And get up again

To stumble

To prove 

I won’t give up

Even if I fail. 

I’d love to make my way

Without the injuries

Of loves and betrayals 

But what if life

Without these moments of

Endless pains and gains

I stumble

I bruise

I make mistakes

And get up again

To stumble

To prove 

I won’t give up

Even if I fail. 

Someone’s Villain

 Someone’s Villain

In someone’s story

No matter how “good” you are

You’ll always be someone’s villain

Live it up as you know what’s true 

To Lucifer, God was wrong

To a queen fair, Snow White didn’t belong

And the Titans regretted the gods of  Olympus 

(Disillusioned)

Tables turned are you even the hero in your story

Reflecting back are you even worth saving by glory 

In someone’s story

No matter how “good” you are

You’ll always be someone’s villain

Live it up as you know what’s true

The pharaoh and Moses missed

And Aurora and Maleficent 

Like each tragic tale both fantasy and reality 

(So Distorted)

Looking back do you even know the facts in your own life 

Do you feel anything at all or are you giving strife

In someone’s story

No matter how “good” you are

You’ll always be someone’s villain

Live it up as you know what’s true

Tables turned and looking back

A story of glory 

Reflecting but do you feel

Strife in life

(Distorted)

In someone’s story

No matter how “good” you are

You’ll always be someone’s villain

Live it up as you know what’s true

 

FRAGILE (falls apart)

 FRAGILE (falls apart)

What is this

Who were we

A fantasy 

A good lie

No one believed

Any of it fool

We give everything for the illusion

Even if we give up ourselves

Why do we care what the believe 

Unless we are afraid of ourselves 

I’m trying to piece it all together 

The then here and to be seen

It’s fragile 

As much as I want to interact 

It falls apart 

I try I cry I try

It doesn’t work

It falls apart 

Fuck all. 

That last kiss

Has to be

Reality

One last try

I am bereaved 

And minuscule 

I’m craving comfort from a dear friend

Finding solace just in their arms  

But no one comes close to comfort

Am I unworthy or not looking 

I’m trying to piece it all together 

The then here and to be seen

It’s fragile 

As much as I want to interact 

It falls apart 

I try I cry I try

It doesn’t work

It falls apart 

Fuck all. 

Delicate 

And fragile 

In this moment 

I protect it

With all I have

Call me a fool

I’m trying to piece it all together 

The then here and to be seen

It’s fragile 

As much as I want to interact 

It falls apart 

I try I cry I try

It doesn’t work

It falls apart 

Fuck all. 

A Narrative

 A Narrative

 

I can be the victim or the hero

Depending on who is telling the tale

But I know despite my best I’ll be

The villain in someone else’s story

And I’m okay with it

For every tale there is someone

Who’s misunderstood by the rest 

In my life I’ve been the best and worst

The tragedy and the trash

It’s all a narrative 

In my live I’ve been the pity and pious 

The sympathy and outcast

It’s all a narrative 

The difference between saint and villain

Is if the writer’s upheld or reviled 

Based on my on tale I believe 

No one as it’s all self spin to benefit  

In my life I’ve been the best and worst

The tragedy and the trash

It’s all a narrative 

In my live I’ve been the pity and pious 

The sympathy and outcast

It’s all a narrative 

Even in my own story

It’s one sided

Just because you can hear me

Doesn’t mean I’m right

I’m not all wrong 

Even with my own moments 

It’s just my words

No matter what I could see

Doesn’t mean it’s right

In my life I’ve been the best and worst

The tragedy and the trash

It’s all a narrative 

In my live I’ve been the pity and pious 

The sympathy and outcast

It’s all a narrative 

One Ended Conversation

 One Ended Conversation 

At a point we were close

Dangerously near

And we drifted apart

I decided to still be your friend

Despite what my mind said

But it’s hard when you don’t react

You say don’t give up on you

But how can I not when you aren’t here

I’ve given you everything and more 

But I don’t know what I have left 

Be the friend they said

Understand the struggle 

They said it would come around

But it never does it’s just a

One ended conversation with you

Back then we were the most 

To the point of fear

But I found a new start 

Yet I never wanted us to end 

If I knew we were dead 

Right then I would have saved my breath 

Now I don’t know what to do

I’d let you go blindly but I fear 

What tragic game you could have in store

When all you’re left with is yourself 

Be the friend they said

Understand the struggle 

They said it would come around

But it never does it’s just a

One ended conversation with you

I don’t know what to say

I don’t know what to do

But I remember that I keep you 

Deep within my heart 

(Say something, do something)

(Give something, be something)

Be the friend they said

Understand the struggle 

They said it would come around

But it never does it’s just a

One ended conversation with you

(Remember being my partner in crime)

(Remember when we stepped in time)