1984 - Become Sunshine

I was born sometime in 1984

As an uncle a brother of my father

Was dying

Johnny died October 1984 

Six months since my birthday the twenty ninth day

They’re crying

As an infant I was joyous

A bright spot in a sad moment

A spot of sunshine my aunt recognized. 

Keep smiling

Despite the darkness

Become sunshine

And let the light illuminate. 

April the twenty ninety 1984

Something that should have never happened did, now 

Here I am

So later on in 1984

This forbidden child made things a lesser blow 

Here I am. 

As a person I am joyous

A bright point in a sad moment 

A spot of sunshine my aunt recognized 

Keep smiling

Despite the darkness

Become sunshine

And let the light illuminate. 

It’s easy to fall In the darkness

Find your joy in a child

Who knows nothing of pain

And only knows joy...

I was that child

I would be that man

But I’ve known the pain

I do all I can

If I fail I’ll try again. 

Keep smiling

Despite the darkness

Become sunshine

And let the light illuminate. 

I try to be many things

Now I know

Now I see

Your no better than him 

Despite how bright you shine

In spite of what he could want

I’m rejecting him for everything 

Despite how bright you are 

In spite of everything else

I’m rejecting him for everything. 

He’s as sinner

A blatant fool

Who’s done me wrong  

I’m trying to say goodbye 

He’s a liar

Simply a tool

And now she’s gone

No need now for that said goodbye. 

Yes I know

Yes I see

It’s not me or you it’s him. 

Despite how bright you shine

In spite of what he could want

I’m rejecting him for everything 

Despite how bright you are 

In spite of everything else

I’m rejecting him for everything. 

In the winter 

What do I do

Just to be warm

Now that I have said goodbye

You’re simpler

And still a fool

Despite this storm

All any one can say is goodbye 

And I grow

And I’ll be 

Pure, I’ll never be like him 

Despite how bright you shine

In spite of what he could want

I’m rejecting him for everything 

Despite how bright you are 

In spite of everything else

I’m rejecting him for everything. 

We’ve been both sides

He and him and you and I

It’s time to be pure if not innocent. 

It’s time to begin again. 

Despite how bright you shine

In spite of what he could want

I’m rejecting him for everything 

Despite how bright you are 

In spite of everything else

I’m rejecting him for everything. 

Not

I don’t know how I feel

Going down this road again 

I’m too young to be irrationalizing this

But you’re all I’ve ever known

The alpha to my omega

And I’m scrambled in my thoughts of this

Not today

Not tomorrow 

I’m not ready to say goodbye

I can’t find words to say 

Politely

That describe my feelings of losing you. 

For your sake I’ll refrain 

I don’t know what is real 

Songs with similar refrain 

It’s too soon to be imagining all of this 

I’m a child although I’m grown 

Between Alpha and omega. 

I don’t know what to feel of all this. 

Not today

Not tomorrow 

I’m not ready to say goodbye

So today isn’t the day

And gently

We’re back to monotony beside you

Where thought of hope will gain

A foothold. 

Growing roots 

I need that simplicity

Without this dread I’m feeling 

Realizing 

Nothing last

All that lives must one day die 

Not right now but it will come. 

Not today

Not tomorrow 

I’m not ready to say goodbye

Tricked

Lost in time

A trick in rhymes 

Buzzing with difference

Why should I be here without your guidance. 

Twisted twisted bitter times 

I’m not here for that bullshit

Desired desired better times

I’m unaware of these things. 

God damn buttercup 

You’re fucked up

And so am I but you don’t give a fuck. 

I tricked in my head to need you

When I’m better off without you

I’m tricked to believe what you do 

When I don’t need the things you do 

Here am I 

Denying lies 

Trebling to face you

Because my mouth will get ahead of me

Jaded jaded by this “love”

Letting go I won’t miss 

Mistakes mistakes of this “love”

Feelings I’d rather misplace. 

Jesus Christ my dear

I’m fucked up.

Because of you but you don’t give a fuck. 

I tricked in my head to need you

When I’m better off without you

I’m tricked to believe what you do 

When I don’t need the things you do 

The foolish games we play

The empty words we say

We are no better than

Each other right now. 

I tricked my head to need you

When I’m better off without you

I’m tricked to believe what you do 

When I don’t need the things you do 

Bleep Bleep

I’ve been in love with someone 

Who thinks himself too worthy

I wish the sound escaped my ears

The lie he told you the universe. 

Bleep bleep forget it all

As a friend you’ll know it’s all bullshit

Bleep Bleep out of my reach

You’re not the blame but you are 

Bleep bleep I cant love you 

You remind me of someone else 

Every word he said to me

Bleep bleep had me hooked

And faded away. 

I waited for you to come. 

You took time never early 

But you left just like in my fears 

Guess I’ll never escape this curse. 

Bleep bleep has got me hooked

And like a fool I feel for it all 

Bleep bleep was a dream yet

I couldn’t sleep on that day 

Bleep bleep isn’t worthy

Is what I’m telling myself now 

Every chance love gave to me

Bleep bleep had me hooked

And faded away

(Names are retracted to protect the accused, innocent until proven guilty or caught in the act)

Bleep bleep cheated on me

And I allowed it for many years 

Bleep bleep slept with bleep bleep

My once and future did it

Bleep bleep told me the truth

But what’s believable right now

Every hope I have for life

Bleep Bleep had me hooked

And faded away.  

Itching and Twitching

In my subconsciousness. 

I hear your cries and pleas

Why is your spirit now in my head 

When you’re still here and now

God damn it answer me

Though this cosmic bond we have for now

I’m itching and twitching

With an internal knowing

Someone I know

Someone I love

Is In need

But I’m going in blind

No knowledge or facts

I want to help 

But where do I begin. 

The curse of the empath 

Aware of the universe 

Even if i can’t do anything. 

Maybe one day I can 

Be a savior and hero

Even if I can’t do it right now. 

I’m itching and twitching

With an internal knowing

Someone I know

Someone I love

Is In need

But I’m going in blind

No knowledge or facts

I want to help 

But where do I begin. 

I don’t know if you know how much we are the same

Despite our many differences 

That’s a story for another day I’d love to have with you

On the water, the land or wherever.   

I’m itching and twitching

With an internal knowing

Someone I know

Someone I love

Is In need

I want to do the best I can. 

I wish to be the best I can. 

Chrome

I felt feelings for you

I never felt for anyone

And you betrayed me

How do I know what’s true

Anymore

What’s love for

I wanted more

Despite all this

Despite you. 

I’ll polish you

And find whats true 

Chrome 

Silvery

And lively 

But fake

Just like you

And all you do. 

Face to face we’re both fools

You just stand there an proud asshole.

With egg on my face

What is my next move now 

That I know 

All of this

I wanted more

Despite all this

Despite you. 

I’ll polish you

And find whats true 

Chrome 

Silvery

And lively 

But fake

Just like you

And all you do. 

I try and try

To make you shine

But you’re tarnished 

More than I can do. 

Despite all this

Despite you. 

I’ll polish you

And find whats true 

Chrome 

Silvery

And lively 

But fake

Just like you

And all you do.