I 愛 I

On the couch of my best friends house 

I question my life until now 

Why am I here and who am I with

I’m basically pre selling damaged goods

I don’t know how

But I’ve weathered the storm

Here I stand face to face

I’m still here despite it all. 

I 愛 I 

And what if it’ll

I 愛 I 

I’m still worth it

I 愛 I 

I’d love a chance

I 愛 I 

Fuck a last dance 

Believing my friends are my friends

It’s bitter when that’s not true dear

But why should I disassociate

When you truly hold me dear what’s to fear 

What is love, babe

But a lie we sell so 

That we can seem simple

No matter I’m not the one 

I 愛 I 

And what if it

I 愛 I 

I’m still worth it

I 愛 I 

I’d love a chance

I 愛 I 

Fuck a last dance 

What I could do

If I cared enough 

Loved enough 

Was enough 

Enough

Am I

Am I enough

An I enough for love

I 愛 I 

And what if it

I 愛 I 

I’m still worth it

I 愛 I 

I’d love a chance

I 愛 I 

Fuck a last dance 

Me

 

I don’t know what to say anymore

Every word rumbles in my brain. 

What is this who are we 

Why can’t I be 

Me 

Thats all I want to be

Me

I just don’t understand 

Me

So give me time to see

Me

It’s a joke how I choked

Trying to be coupled 

I wanted to be everything 

To someone that doesn’t exist 

What about love above and below

The best and the worst 

The son and moon

What is real

The truth 

I don’t know what to say anymore 

This comprehension is numbing 

In the light and the dark 

Why can’t I be 

Me 

Thats all I want to be

Me

I just don’t understand 

Me

So give me time to see

Me

I’d hold you close again 

Emoting is funny 

When you have detached from everything. 

Dear, just what is this pretext 

Who are we right here right now but pure 

Nothing all that

I love and what 

Is this pain

My life 

What is this feeling I have 

I’m numb to everything beyond me 

For Better or worse 

Why can’t I be 

Me 

Thats all I want to be

Me

I just don’t understand 

Me

So give me time to see

Me

Queer As Fuck

 Queer As Fuck

I once wanted to settle into the background

But life said that wasn’t meant for me

All I wanted was to feel comfort and be safe

Is it fare that who am I am determines that 

It’s careless to be

Free and open

To love myself

And everything that comes

I don’t care any more

If you don’t know by now

I’m queer as fuck

I don’t know how to be

Any way but this 

I’m not sorry if this disrupts your day to day 

I live for myself because no one else will try

To be the man unafraid of love

With a man in every way I’d ever dare to 

Bare myself for without a hesitation 

It’s my truth my time

And it’s alright 

That I’m “this way”

Because none of its wrong 

I don’t care any more

If you don’t know by now

I’m queer as fuck

I don’t know how to be

Any way but this 

I’m not sorry if this disrupts your day to day 

I don’t care, don’t care anymore

About how you feel about me

Because I’m better off

Without hatred and bigotry 

 

So I live 

And I breathe

To have love

I don’t care any more

If you don’t know by now

I’m queer as fuck

I don’t know how to be

Any way but this 

I’m not sorry if this disrupts your day to day 

White Noise

 White Noise

In the static

I find myself

In the white noise 

Being nothing 

In nothing 

Is where I am

Who am I 

Beyond silent 

Just no one 

I’ve nothing to say

But I have to speak

As a colonizer 

Im sorry 

I wasn’t the one

But there you are 

And here I stand 

It’s all wrong 

Am I wrong 

My friend?

It’s the truth

At the end

I wish it

Wasn’t so

But it is

So why lie

Don’t try

It’s enough. 

In the static

I find myself

In the white noise 

Being nothing 

In nothing 

Is where I am

Who am I 

Beyond silent 

Just no one 

Find a space too close 

And just find comfort

Of being the Villain

I live with 

The shame of it all

I can’t show it

But here we are 

It’s not right 

What is love

And hate

At the start 

I want more

What is lust

Without love

Pure desire

In the night 

It’s the best

For us

It’s enough 

In the static

I find myself

In the white noise 

Being nothing 

In nothing 

Is where I am

Who am I 

Beyond silent 

Just no one 

Please don’t let me live alone

Because I’ll die alone 

I don’t want that 

I’ll sell my soul

To be a part of something 

In the static

I find myself

In the white noise 

Being nothing 

In nothing 

Is where I am

Who am I 

Beyond silent 

Just no one 

Take

Take

I’m socially awkward 

Trying to figure life out

I surrender to myself

Because I’m not enough 

I give myself up freely

I’ll be yours as long as you’ll be mine

I need validation from you 

But about me 

I’ll give until I almost break

Bending under the weight

Like a bamboo stalk

All you can do is

Take take take 竹

Take all of me 

Feel all of me 

Have all of me 

Let me wait to see

But I’m not this forward 

What is this stuff all about 

I don’t understand self 

As I’m lonely it’s rough 

And what is all this really 

I try to calm down and I’ll be fine 

I share way too much that is true 

Yet about me

I’ll give until I almost break

Bending under the weight

Like a bamboo stalk

All you can do is

Take take take 竹

Take all of me 

Feel all of me 

Have all of me 

Let me wait to see

I don’t want to be alone

Take me in

Take me however

And anyway 

Let me live

And take me 

Away

Okay?

I’ll give until I almost break

Bending under the weight

Like a bamboo stalk

All you can do is

Take take take 竹

Take all of me 

Feel all of me 

Have all of me 

Let me wait to see 

Not Be Numb

 

Touch me come close

Make me feel something 

I’m so tired of feeling 

Empty craving anything 

I forgot what it feels like 

To be touched 

To be intimate

Just like everyone else does 

All I want to do is feel

And not be numb

I’m not dumb

Is this wrong. 

Give me feeling 

Make me feel alive 

As I want to be here 

Without all the loveless fear 

I’m just trying to live life 

To be with you 

And inside of you 

A lustful desire but

All I want to do is feel

And not be numb

I’m not dumb

Is this wrong. 

Put your hand on my thigh

Let my eyes rise 

Don’t play cute

When you’re smart 

Playing it cute 

When now all 

All I want to do is feel

And not be numb

I’m not dumb

Is this wrong. 

I’m just trying to live life 

To be with you 

And inside of you 

A lustful desire but

I forgot what it feels like 

To be touched 

To be intimate

Just like everyone else does 

All I’ll Ever Be

 All I’ll Ever Be

You don’t know nor can you understand

My pain, it’s full of bitterness and shame 

I want to say I love you too

But I can’t when you won’t 

love me true 

Here I am full of confusion 

Nothings changed since 1999

Where do I lay my head down

Who can I trust and why should I

Ever believe the words you say. 

In the eclipse that is a revelation

In my nightmares and in my dreams

I am me and that’s all I’ll ever be

In the fantasy versus reality 

Despite the terrors in my mind 

I am me and that’s all I’ll ever be. 

I’ll be more than you can comprehend. 

Your brain is to small to absorb all this 

I want to become one with you

It doesn’t matter when we play fools. 

I’m conflicted with emotions 

I know I was born in 84

Beyond that I don’t know much 

Like why should you be here right now

Since you’re toxic to me baby 

In the eclipse that is a revelation

In my nightmares and in my dreams

I am me and that’s all I’ll ever be

In the fantasy versus reality 

Despite the terrors in my mind 

I am me and that’s all I’ll ever be. 

As much as I want to

As much as I need to

As much as I crave you 

You’re no good for me

As much as I have to

As much as I love to

As much as I miss you

You’re no good for me. 

In the eclipse that is a revelation

In my nightmares and in my dreams

I am me and that’s all I’ll ever be

In the fantasy versus reality 

Despite the terrors in my mind 

I am me and that’s all I’ll ever be. 

Behind the Shadows

 Behind the Shadows

Be your best

Don’t fuck it up

Was all I ever was told

But like life

Cosmically laughed

And I did everything wrong 

I tried

To live right 

Not to screw up

And stand up right 

But you don’t

You don’t 

Know.  

What’s behind the shadows 

The truth in the lies 

Joy that lead to tears

And how it burns how it hurts 

Walk the line

Just don’t stumble 

I won’t be saved on my face 

Luckily 

I got chances

More than I ever deserved 

I want

To say that

I’m sorry for

My everything 

But you don’t

You don’t 

Know.  

What’s behind the shadows 

The truth in the lies 

Joy that lead to tears

And how it burns how it hurts 

One day

In another time 

I’ll shed this skin

And let the world in

But I can’t do it today 

I’d hurt more than I’d heal

Myself, the truth isn’t worth that 

This isn’t show and tell

You can always guess

All you want 

But you don’t

You don’t 

Know.  

What’s behind the shadows 

The truth in the lies 

Joy that lead to tears

And how it burns how it hurts